How to Not Gain My Trust

Dear Doctor,

You will not gain my trust by pigeon-holing me at an unrelated professional public event and in a loud confrontational tone telling me I don’t know what I am talking about. Do you realize how disrespectful it is to assume that if people just knew what you know they would obviously agree with you?

You will not gain my trust by going on and on with rarely a break long enough for me to get in a word. This was not a respectful rational dialogue between two equally intelligent individuals. Instead it was an overly emotional barrage of highly charged personal experiences bound up with concern for your own children.

You will not gain my trust by not being considerate of time and place. Did you give any thought to the fact that you were in the middle of an organization that has worked very hard to establish trusting relationships between often competing parties by keeping our focus on the ways in which we agree, respectfully sharing information, and focusing on a common goal? Did you take a moment to consider that I was about to get up in front of a room full of people and speak? Luckily I am confident enough to be gracious to you, while not backing down in my defense of parents who you feel make the wrong choice about vaccine, and immediately after still get up and give a caring, warm introduction for a woman I greatly admire. Did you know that about me? No because you don’t know me at all.

You will not gain my trust by not being conscious of who else is around you and how they might be affected by our exchange. Did you know that it was mortifying to me that the evening’s presenter, a professional who inspires me, was listening to you? Did you never give it a moment’s thought that sitting all around you might be parents who have chosen not to vaccinate or are following less traditional vaccination schedules? How do you think this made them feel? Do you think you gained their trust?

As I said to you that night you are obviously sincere in your concern about the potential for children to become ill and die because of parents choosing not to vaccinate. I can tell you care deeply. I too care deeply. It is very important to me that I give out as accurate information as I can to parents and prospective parents. What they do with that information is up to them. I believe in their abilities to make good choices for their children. In the past when it has been brought to my attention that I may have printed inaccurate statistics I have gone back and taken a second look at my original information and, with guidance by far better statisticians than I, I have made corrections as needed. Based on the discrepancies between your numbers and mine I am reviewing my original measles outbreak post, my sources and the original numbers, and will be posting an up-date. I will also be working on a post as to how the medical establishment as a whole lost our trust. Unfortunately you, dear doctor, did nothing to re-gain mine.

  

A New Path Down an Old Road

Like many mothers, the road I started down after the birth of my son has taken me places I never expected. I have reinvented myself many times in the process or perhaps the road has reinvented me. Threads from my past lives weave together and my tapestry gets richer and deeper, mellowing with age.

Many years ago my body lay broken upon the jagged shores of my deepest passion, riding horses. Just as with the birth of my son I was once again confronted with the limits of the medical model. In this case if they couldn't visualize it with their many tests, quantify it, and label it, it didn't exist therefore they had nothing to offer me as a path back to health. They would happily prescribe pain medication for the rest of my life or refer me to a psychologist because the pain was obviously in my head not in my back. My search for a way out of pain led me to a deeper understanding of many modalities; acupuncture, chiropractic, watsu, myofascial release, spinal decompression, Feldenkrais body work, hormone balancing, and craniosacral therapy. All have been instrumental in my journey toward a pain free life.

Our lives lead us many places. Mine lead me to Cayucos to the door of CranioSacral Therapist, Celeste Varas de Valdes. The combination of her amazing ability to "read" my body, the gentleness of her touch, and the profound response of my body as I floated out of pain were incomprehensible to me. How could this be? I told my husband she was a wizard. How could she hardly touch me and have such an amazing healing effect?

Celeste encouraged me to read John Upledger's book "Your Inner Physician and You." Upledger is the founder of CranioSacral work. Actually I believe he may be a re-discoverer of a wisdom known through the centuries and across many cultures. I bought the book but consciously chose to never open it. I wanted to learn on an experiential level. It is easy for me to get in my head, to get caught up in intellectual learning. I wanted this to be clean unfettered learning through my own body's experience.

As my body began to heal I became more drawn to the how and whys of cranio work. Celeste patiently answered my questions. Next my path brought a chance to learn more at a California Midwifery Conference. I attended an all day workshop by Carol Gray introducing cranio work for pregnant moms and infants. After that I was convinced I wanted to learn more about how to incorporate this modality into my doula work. Time, expense and timing, i.e. life, kept this from happening.

A few years later I was offered an opportunity to watch at the hands-on part of an Obstetric 1 CranioSacral Training at Sukha Wellness Center in Avila. I was graciously allowed to try putting my hands on one of my pregnant clients who was there for demonstration purposes. I was astonished at all that I could "feel" going on inside her; the blockages and tensions. I put my hands on clients all the time, hugs, massages, counter pressure, or just holding a hand. This was completely different. It was tuning into a vibration and letting her body gently move me in a dance. The crazy part is she was lying completely still upon a massage table. No one else looking could see the swirling movement under my hands as her body gently unwound.

Interesting, but now what? I was busy going down a new path, working on earning my La Leche League
Leadership and learning as much as I could about breastfeeding. The more I immersed myself in the world of breastfeeding the more concerned I became. Listening to so many postpartum mothers who were struggling to breastfeed; to do what should have been a simple natural act. Something that every mare I helped foal never had a problem doing. Rarely, a mare will reject her foal completely, but no mare who allows her foal to latch has problems. Foals don't have latching or sucking issues. If you feed the mare right she has plenty of milk and the foal has no problems transferring that milk from the teat to his tummy. So why were so many of our mothers caught up in the pumping, bottling, exhaustion merry-go-round?

I am a question asker. If something doesn't add up for me I ask people I trust, who have more knowledge than I, why this doesn't add up. Lactation Consultant, Julie Merrill, kindly loaned me the book "The Impact of Birthing Practices on Breastfeeding" by Kroeger and Smith. I read that book cover to cover and in its pages I discovered all the research explaining why. I immediately incorporated what I learned into educating my class and doula clients. I was inspired to try harder than ever to support pregnant mamas in ways that would keep them off the self defeating merry-go-round. That didn't feel like enough to me. More moms needed to know. So I helped create and present the community event, Beating the Booby Traps.

Wait! This is supposed to be about cranio right? Took you right down the path with me didn't I? With an out of work husband there was no time or money to think about cranio. Then last May, with the financial help of LLL and labor and delivery nurse, Janell Todd, I attended La Leche League Conference. One lecture I chose to attend was given by Alison Hazelbaker assessing Tongue-tie, a condition which wrecks havoc on breastfeeding. It was presented over 2 days. The first day all the SLO Leaders went. The second day I think I was the only one who continued. I don't know why I went. She said she was going to present how to tell the difference between a real tie and a "faux" one. I thought it would just be more assessment tools. Well her assessment tool was to do CRANIO work on the infants and after several sessions re-assess for tongue function. Turns out she was a CranioSacral Therapist as well as a Lactation Consultant. An incredibly high percentage of tongue-ties were fixed with this gentle non-surgical technique. The pieces all slid into place for me. Now I knew what I wanted to do. It isn't enough to try to help moms say no to procedures which can impact their births and their breastfeeding. It isn't enough to give technical and emotional support to moms struggling unsuccessfully to feed their little ones. I want to actually help the babies and now I know how. I need to become trained in CranioSacral Therapy for infants. These babies are literally crying out for this kind of work.

Again money and time were blocking my path. Thank you to David and Mary Sage Sennewald of Sukha who gifted me a partial scholarship so I could attend CranioSacral I last month. Thank you to Alyssa Nixon and baby Finley for birthing before October 17th!

So now what? Well this path looks fairly long and I'm already finding roadblocks but I am determined. I've attended 2 study groups since the 4 day training. I ordered my books on-line yesterday. I think I have found a used massage table so I can practice on my family and friends. I can't even begin the Obstetric or Pediatric training until I have passed Cranio II and Somato Emotional Release. I'm trying to find a way to get my anatomy studies done without having massage therapists "in training" practice on me. This is something I know my body can not handle. Then there is the legal stuff about setting up a business which involves touching people. Yesterday I was so depressed. All I could see were the roadblocks. Today I'm cracking open the pages of "Your Inner Physician and You".

Celeste's Keep In Touch: http://www.craniosacralthpy.com/

David and Mary Sage's Sukha Wellness Center: http://sukhawellnesscenter.com/

Thank you!

Recently I received this lovely card.

Thank you for your thoughtfulness, your patience, your wisdom, your encouragement, your expertise, your attention to detail...

Thank you Jennifer for starting our little family off on the right foot! We are eternally grateful to you for all that you have done-and continue to do-for our family!!

Steve, Laurie & Ruby Jo

Some Truth about the Strength of Women

I recently ran into the quote on Facebook. I liked it so much I chose to use it as a cover on my Labor of Love Facebook page. Then I went searching to learn about Laura Harm. I immediately ran into this article; "Why Some Birth Quotes May Be Damaging to Women" on the Midwife International web site.  After carefully reading their post and the comments left by others I was drawn to leave this comment.

I have been a doula in San Luis Obispo for many years supporting women in the hospital and at home through medicated, un-medicated and cesarean births. I recently saw this quote and chose to put it on my doula facebook page. For most women birth IS painful. For most women it requires them to surrender in some form. Surrendering to your process where ever that process may lead, even into an operating room, IS the strength I see in this quote. Women ARE strong.The strength it takes to endure a surgery at the end of a long labor, the strength it takes to hold yourself together for the sake of your baby during an emergency cesarean, the strength it takes to surrender to the power of the process of dilation, the strength it takes to push a baby out of our bodies and into the world. This strength inspires me each time I am lucky enough to witness a birth, any birth. I make no distinction in my respect for birthing women, medicated, un-medicated, vaginal or surgical. ALL women are strong and need strength no matter how their baby arrives. I wish women could stop dividing themselves into groups. I wish women could stop feeling they are being judged and stop judging themselves. Filtered through our own souls this quote, like art, will mean something different to each of us. I am sorry it is painful for you. I wish you could see the beauty in this quote that I see. The acknowledgement that ALL women no matter how they birth are strong. You were strong.

I would like to know how YOU feel about this quote. I encourage you to read their article. Look deep into your soul. How does this quote make you feel? Who have you been judging?
Please post your comments here or on my Facebook page.

Acupuncture; Keeping a Pregnancy Healthy

I believe my son owes his life to an acupuncturist. My husband and I had been together for 10 years and actively trying to get pregnant for the last 2 without any luck. By using a combination of herbs and needles I was pregnant within 2 cycles of walking into Dr. Yu's office. I willingly drank the nastiest tasting herbal tea ever, in order to maintain the pregnancy for the first trimester. Nine months later when I pushed out a beautiful, strong, healthy baby boy I knew I had acupuncture to thank for this precious life in my arms.

I'll let you in on a little secret about me. I am scared of needles. I have real fears, (think fainting here) around having my blood drawn or getting a shot. What you need to know is that the sensation of having a thin flexible acupuncture needle placed in no way resembles getting poked by a regular needle. There isn't anyway I could have stood it if that was what the sensation was like. 

Since my successful pregnancy I have come to use acupuncture for many health issues, from injuries, to chronic pain, menopause and illness. So far it has never failed me and  I asked Carla Nerelli, L.Ac., of SLO Family Acupuncture to write a blog piece for my Creating a Healthy Pregnancy series focusing on all the ways acupuncture can support a woman during pregnancy. Carla has a special interest in pregnancy and babies and is thrilled to work with young families. She is new to SLO so I am happy to introduce her to the community through this post.

Most people associate acupuncture with treating pain and other physical ailments. But, did you know it could also be part of creating optimum pregnancy health? Acupuncture is an ideal form of treatment as it offers women drug-free relief from a multitude of problems that can arise during pregnancy and childbirth  creating a thriving environment for a growing baby, and keeping mother and baby healthy and happy.
 
Common Conditions Treated During Early Pregnancy
Pregnancy is such a beautiful time in a woman’s life. It is a time to celebrate, glow, flourish, and most of all, get excited for the new family addition. Pregnancy is one of the most natural cycles in human life. Unfortunately in today’s society pregnancy can often come with some uncomfortable and mood-ruining aches, pains, and other conditions. Acupuncture is a very safe, gentle, and pharmaceutical-free way to deal with most of these common ailments.



▪ Prevention of Miscarriage
▪ Morning Sickness
▪ Fatigue
▪ Migraines and Headaches

If a woman has a history of miscarriage, it is recommended they come in for weekly treatments at least through week 9 to help prevent a miscarriage and secure the pregnancy.

Common Conditions Treated During Mid-Pregnancy
Not only can acupuncture help treat issues that may arise during pregnancy, but it also helps to create a healthy and comfortable pregnancy.

▪ Digestion Irregularities
▪ Constipation
▪ Increased Immunity
▪ Insomnia
▪ Anemia
▪ Anxiety, Stress, and other Emotional Issues

Your baby’s health, as well as your health and comfort, are of the utmost importance. To aid in your well-being and relaxation, SLO Family Acupuncture exclusively uses massage tables that are specifically made to accommodate your growing belly during pregnancy.

Common Conditions Treated During Late Pregnancy
As the due date approaches, weekly acupuncture treatments can help prepare the mother for a smooth, healthy, and efficient labor and delivery by helping to alleviate anxiety and stress, relax the pelvic floor musculature, ripen the cervix, and ease the baby into a comfortable, optimal birth position.

▪ Heartburn
▪ Sciatica
▪ Low back pain
▪ Body Aches
▪ Leg Cramps
▪ Varicose Veins
▪ Hemorrhoids
▪ Pre-eclampsia
▪ Edema
▪ Breech Presentation
▪ Delayed Labor

Safety During Pregnancy 
Although acupuncture during pregnancy is completely safe, it is important to go to a qualified, licensed acupuncturist who specifically treats pregnant women since there are several acupuncture points that are contraindicated to use during pregnancy.  San Luis Obispo Family Acupuncture is happy to treat women in all stages of pregnancy. Treatment strategies and recommendations are on an individualized basis. In general, monthly treatments are considered ideal to sustain a comfortable and healthy pregnancy.

Centrally located near Downtown San Luis Obispo, SLO Family Acupuncture is happy to treat women from all over the Central Coast, Paso Robles to Santa Maria and everything in between.

Visit Carla's website for more information about creating a vital pregnancy! To reach SLO Family Acupuncture call 805-242-6852 or email.

Call about SLO Family Acupuncture’s Pre-Birth Acupuncture Summer Special for babies due in June, July, or August 2013!

From a New Mother

Beautiful Ruby Jo

I receive many sweet cards and thank yous after births. I treasure them all. Here is one from a mother who came to me fairly sure she wanted an epidural and a husband who was wishing that she wouldn't. We spent many hours together in their home eating, talking, learning and sharing. Of course her birth didn't go anything as she had envisioned. Here is what she wrote to me several months afterwards.

"Thank you Jennifer for all of your encouragement, support & empowerment that helped to bring out the strength I doubted I had to bring Ruby into this world without drugs & very little intervention. I honestly never expected to be able to make it through the birth without an epidural. I feel strong & have never felt more proud of this accomplishment.

Your support before, during & after the birth will always be remembered & appreciated. Thank  you for all that you do for the families in our community. We are lucky to have you!

Laurie

My Life Path

A Window into My Birth Classes

My classes weave heart learning, intellectual learning and physical practices together in a careful balance of caring, fun, creativity and stimulating thoughts. As a doula in San Luis Obispo for twenty years I know women birth best when all of these areas are nurtured to expand and grow during pregnancy.

Birth rehearsals are always a fun part of class! I do a class devoted to LOTS of different labor/birth positions. Then at another class I ask each mom the position she imagines giving birth in and that is what we practice. This pregnant mama chose the classic hospital birth position because that was where she was planning to birth. Getting over a woman's natural shyness or sense of modesty is an important part of the process. What a good sport she was to let her photo be taken. We were all having such a good time we failed terribly at holding still for the camera.

Creating an atmosphere which allows couples to feel safe is important. When we turn on music, light candles and practice focused relaxation or visualize giving birth women tune into their own intuition about their body and birth. They in turn can communicate to their partners what they can do to help them through the process.

Potlucks are part of the process! To break bread, talk and laugh together builds community. Pregnancy is a time of growth and connection between partners and the world of parenting. Nothing beats a home environment for learning about birth no matter where you are planning to have your baby. For this St. Paddy's Day class couples where greeted by the smell of fresh baked Irish Soda bread. Dads brought Guinness beer and moms supplied plenty of good healthy greens to eat.

Friendships blossom as moms blossom. Connections are strengthened through a private Facebook group and moms are invited to join my "Whole"istic Mamas group to continue these supportive relationships after babies come.

Thoughtful discussion flows after simple creative drawing or word association exercises help everyone tune into their interior life. 

Crafting concrete personal positive affirmation cards to post around their homes help couples stay positive and empowered as the big day draws near.

The reading homework in Special Delivery is helpful to fill in any missing pieces. Reading birth stories from Ina May's book fills women with the knowledge that women ARE designed to do this work and they can do it too! Notebooks full of additional information are loaned to be used as much or as little as desired. My extensive library of books and movies are also available to my clients. 

I enjoy teaching a mixed group of in and out of hospital clients because of the thought provoking discussion. A balanced respectful discussion leaves everyone feeling more confident in their choices.


A mix of real props to see and touch, communication practices and role playing in my Becoming an Educated Consumer, If a Problem Arises and Facing Our Fears classes take the fear of the unknown away and teach couples what choices may come their way during their birth. Accurate unbiased consumer information is key to creating the birth you want.


My years as a doula have taught me beautiful positive births are possible everywhere!

And then there's love. Lighting my birth mama candle sets the mood for an intimate chat about the role oxytocin, the love hormone, plays in labor and what you can do to encourage it to flow. Simple tools that speak to the 5 senses enhance birth energy and are easy for partners to master. Tuning into our partners through touch, dancing, and simple massage teaches the partners their most important labor tool, loving connection.







The last 2 classes are devoted to parenting. What could be better than answering all the questions expecting parents have about parenting a newborn?

I love teaching new parents about all the amazing things their new baby will be capable of right from the start.

I demonstrate how to get breastfeeding off to a great start and invite all my clients to join me as I lead La Leche League meetings.



Graduation Potluck means learning from the experts; couples who have become parents in the last few months. Telling their birth stories in the sharing circle help couples process their birth. Sharing the highs and lows of their labors gives a realistic window into birth for the waiting couples. Giving real world common sense survival tips on how to get through the first weeks of parenting is mutually beneficial, expectant parents become more prepared and new parents get to see how far they have come in just a few short weeks.

The private Facebook group serves many purposes, simple communication of class logistics and reminders, potluck sign-ups, or recipe sharing.







Pregnant mamas are encouraged to find and post their own images of power, flexibility, and strength to help them keep the faith during labor.

I post many inspiring images and quotes, as well as, links to the latest studies. After the classes end we all post words of encouragement as moms wait for the big day to finally arrive.

And of course baby photos! Each baby is welcomed by all. The leaders in the class give pep talks to the moms still waiting while the waiting moms send warm wishes and way to goes to the couples who have already birthed.

Reunions are fun! Whether the group chooses a park, a home or the beach, joy and pride fills the air.






Themed reunions seem especially delightful for everyone.

Now it's on to La Leche League meetings and "Whole"istic Mamas park days for the mothers. All of my class and doula clients are invited to join my Becoming a Family support group; the only parenting classes for moms AND dads in the county.

Let's connect and talk about when, where and how you can begin classes!
                   473-3746
        jenniferstoverdoula@gmail.com

Listen to National Experts: What the Birthing Women of San Luis Obispo Need to Think About!

These posts originally appeared as my Food for Thought series on Facebook. I wanted to provoke the women of San Luis Obispo county into thinking about their birth and parenting choices. By quoting directly from books I wish to stimulate discussion and encourage women to seek out information and become more educated. My hope is you will empower yourself through this process.

“Our lives begin to end 

the day we become silent about things 

that matter.”

~ Martin Luther King, Jr. 

from his unforgettable

 "I Have a Dream" speech

Doctor or midwife: How to choose which is right for you.

Baby Bonding and Attachment: Getting Parenting off to a good start.

Induction and Due Dates: What you need to know to keep anyone from scaring you into a decision.

Understanding Risks: Learning more so you can choose the risks you are most comfortable taking.

Parenting in Labor: Things to know about the decision to use pain medication.

Labor & Birth: Things to remember about normal labor and birth.

A Parenting Poem

If I had my child to raise over again, I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less. I'd do less correcting, and more connecting. I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I would care to know less, and know to care more. I'd take more hikes and fly more kites. I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play. I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars. I'd do more hugging, and less tugging. I would be firm less often, and affirm much more. I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later. I'd teach less about the love of power, And more about the power of love. It matters not whether my child is big or small, From this day forth, I'll cherish it all.

    From 100 Ways to Build Self-Esteem & Teach Values by Diana Loomans (c) 2004 New World Library

Loving Guidance

This is an essay I wrote in answer to a question as part of my La Leche League leadership application process. It is an example of how I practice what I preach in my 5 Steps to Creating a Healthy Family. It took me 17 years full of lots of mistakes to come to this. I hope you can learn from my experience. 

Question: From infancy on, children need loving guidance, which reflects acceptance of their capabilities and sensitivity to their feelings.  Describe how you practiced loving guidance. 

I love my son but I have come to understand he is not a self starter. I AM a self starter and this has created conflict between us at times. As we parent, our children's true natures are slowly revealed to us. My son is a dreamer, a reader, a talker. He is intelligent, opinionated, sensitive, polite, and helpful. He is not a risk taker and is slow to transition, whether that is from sleep to wakefulness or childhood to adulthood. One of the best books I read that helped me understand my wonderful son was, "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Joe isn't spirited. He is in her spunky category. He naturally has a very regimented body schedule but his emotional needs are like those of a spirited child. Once I started using many of her suggestions for structure, our lives together got better. My other favorite book was "Your Child's Self-Esteem" by Corky Briggs. This book gave me approval for how I was already interacting with my son. Her advice to never speak to your child any less respectfully than you would interact with a co-worker became the underpinnings to our relationship. When I have strayed from this it has always lead to conflict and Joe quickly lets me know I'm being inappropriate.

Taking all this into account I approached Joe's senior year with some trepidation. I knew there was lots to think about, lots to get done, and big decisions coming. That meant Joe was also going to know all of that and would be very slow to start. Refer to above; not a risk taker, slow to transition.

Step one: I scout ahead. I read the book, "Colleges that Change Lives", by Loren Pope, loaned to me from another mother whose son was 2 years older. I loved this book all about colleges who can really make an impact and who engage students in a different way. I fell in love with a few of the schools and longed to be the one going away. I didn't mark any of these as the ones I liked. I wanted him to choose what he liked. 

Step two: I encouraged Joe to read the book. I waited. I talked to him about my excitement about the book and college. I waited. I eventually gave it as a family chore requirement. He reluctantly began reading but finished it very enthusiastic about going away to school.

Step three: I listened to Joe tell me why he had picked out his top school choices. I asked my husband Mike to read through the book and look at Joe's choices. He too became excited and did further research with Joe on-line.

You need to understand that we had been exposing Joe to the idea of college and different colleges since a very young age. We had been to Cal Poly's Open House numerous times, walked Cal Berkeley's campus many a time, toured UC Santa Barbara and Santa Cruz already and, learned about a special program at Santa Barbara for art students. But I had a hard time visualizing my son being happy and successful at any of these schools. There was something about their bigness, their impersonal quality, their regimented structure that I thought would not match well with Joe. So I was thrilled there were other schools to choose from.

Step four: Joe applied to 4 schools out of the book and 3 UCs. He was not interested in Cal Poly because he knew we would want him to live at home. This was not an easy process. I will forever be grateful to his AP English teacher for requiring this as part of their grade and supporting them in writing the college essays.

Step five: I found out that Whitman College was sending a rep to Santa Barbara to do interviews with possible students. Mike took the day off and the 3 of us went down. We made a nice family day of it.

Step six: Joe was accepted into several schools including 2 UCs, 3 across the country and Whitman in Washington. My heart ached at the thought of him going to school in Tennessee or Arkansas but I didn't tell him that. I hope he never knew. He was up for a special scholarship at the school in Arkansas so Mike and Joe flew back there to see it and go through a competition.

Step seven: Joe had a serious high school relationship. They were both seniors and trying to decide what to do. She wanted to go to UC Santa Barbara. Joe was leaning toward UC Santa Cruz. We went with her family to tour Santa Cruz again. It was very difficult for them. Joe asked me what he should do. I told him it was up to him but his dad and I had done some school apart and although it wasn't fun our relationship had survived. I made sure he knew it was up to him; his dad and I would be happy no matter where he chose to go to school.

Step eight: We visited Whitman together over spring break. I scouted ahead and made appointments for him to have a tour of the art department and talk to an art professor. As soon as we arrived I knew this school was a fit for Joe. The more we saw, the more people we spoke to, the more sure I became. I kept these thoughts to myself as much as possible. I was trying hard not to influence him but I'm sure Joe could tell I was excited. But Joe became quieter and quieter all day. When we got back to the motel he said he needed to call Marisa. I gave him some privacy. I didn't know what to think. 

On the way back home I asked him what he thought of the school and it came out in a slowly increasing flood; all the things he liked about it and how excited he was to get to go there. He had discussed it with Marisa the night before. She had told him he should go where he wanted to go not where she wanted to go. He was so happy.

Step nine: Joe and Marisa needed lots of time that last summer together. Although eventually they did end up breaking up I am glad to say she is still his friend and ours. I will always be grateful she was wise enough to tell him it was okay for him to choose to go away to school.

Step ten: I scouted ahead and found out they had a special wilderness program for incoming freshman before school started. I knew right away this would be a great way for Joe to start. He had been hiking and backpacking with us before he could walk. I knew this small group would be way easier for him to create friendships. My husband wasn't keen on spending the extra money. I asked Joe if he wanted to do it. He said yes and I advocated with his dad. The trip was a huge success and the best way Joe could have begun his Whitman career; feeling confident in his friendships, confident in his abilities and confident in his surroundings. He has continued to thrive at Whitman and I no longer have to scout ahead.

I know my son. I listen, watch and think. I use my intuition combined with my adult wisdom. If he has an idea I encourage him to act on it. If he is stuck I present an idea to him. I create a structure for that idea to flourish. I support him physically, financially and emotionally as he works on his idea. Sometimes I have to push because he is a dreamer, content to dream rather than do. I am thrilled to cheer his successes and to lend support if he falls. We talk about what he learns from both. I hope he knows he can always turn to me because I am his biggest fan. Joe and I have a very strong connection and I am learning just how far that connection can stretch as he roams farther afield and moves into adult relationships. I am content that intuition, respect, investigation and learning, communication and allowing freedom for him to move as far away from me as he is comfortable while always welcoming him back to my side has been a successful way to parent.

My Birth Statistics: 2010 through 2012

Statistics are an interesting animal. You can shape them or skew them various ways. They are used by many people to prove points or to motivate or even manipulate people into taking an action they desire. When asked about statistics on issues such as risks associated with a possible course of action doctors often answer with non-answers. Many times I have heard doctors say, "if it is your baby that dies the risk was 100% not worth taking" or "I only recommend this or do this procedure when it is necessary." They rarely give couples what percentage of their clients do they deem it necessary to do the procedure on, or how that compares to a local, national or global average. They certainly don't offer the parents what studies have proven the statistic should be based on best outcomes for mothers and babies. Those studies weigh the risks of both doing and not doing any given procedure.

Cesareans

For cesarean section the World Health Organization took a global look. Because they are a world-wide organization they looked at poor countries with low access to cesareans and wealthy countries with lots of access to cesareans. Their studies say a cesarean rate of between 5 to 10% of births is ideal and further when you get beyond 15% you are now doing more harm than good to mothers and babies. My total rate has increased from 15% to 17%. My rate in the last 3 years alone, when calculated as I believe WHO intended: total number of births and number of cesareans for any reason, is a depressing 22%. My numbers prove to me what my gut had been sadly telling me for a while; it has gotten harder to keep women out of the operating room. When looking at my statistics is important to remember how few births I attend; 27 since 2009. An individual birth has the ability to shift my rates wildly. But let's put my numbers into context.

Here is the national trend.

Here is the state trend.

But as I said numbers can be shaped many ways. Let's compare my section rate not using WHO's way of compiling statistics. Instead let's use the way California compiles their stats. They choose to not include breech babies, twins, premies and abnormal presentation. Abnormal presentation seems so vague to me it could include posterior babies (facing the wrong way), babies with a hand coming beside their faces (compound presentation) and babies that don't get their heads lined up just right (acenclytic). I have had all of these over the years and most but not all of them came through their mama's pelvis just fine. Using this system of exclusion my rate for the last 3 years plummets to 7% while California's is shocking.

OK now I'm not feeling so bad and a lot less frustrated. But wait! Maybe this doesn't reflect me at all. Maybe we just have really great providers and hospitals? Using identical parameters of exclusion in the statistics here are our local hospitals 2011 rates:

 French 21%

Sierra Vista 32%

Twin Cities 22%

Marian 30%

Now I'm definitely feeling better about my 7%! Let's not forget that I have done births at all of these hospitals in the last 3 years interacting with the staff and working within their individual medical establishment cultures. Don't forget to factor in that my clients use a variety of care providers, 15 in the last 3 years; from the ones who never saw an intervention they didn't like to the most
hands-off low-tech midwives. I've supported high risk moms and teen moms. I've had women hire me 1 week before their birth, 1 day before their birth and 2 this year during their births! Fifty-six percent of my moms were having their first babies and only one of them ended up having a section because of failure to progress.

Now let's compare my primary (first time) cesarean section rate to our hospitals rates. Using their compilation methods I have a 4% rate. The local hospitals 2011 rates:

French 12% 

Sierra Vista 18%

Twin Cities 10%

Marian 16%

Because I go to whichever hospital my client's choose for a birth place, 41% of my births took place in the 2 hospitals with the highest surgical birth rates.

But numbers are just a snap shot. They certainly don't tell the whole story. Let's look back at my true total of 17%. Ten percent of those aren't included in the numbers above. What are their stories? Some moms had a herpes outbreak and felt it was safest for their baby to be born via surgery. A small number were failed v-bacs. About 1% were failed inductions for one reason or another. In the last 3 years I had 2 un-diagnosed breech babies. Both moms labored great but when their baby's position was discovered a cesarean was performed. I had a high risk mom go into labor with her premie baby the day after we first met. Another was a mom trying for a vaginal birth after her first child was a cesarean baby. After laboring at  home and in the hospital for a long time she ultimately had a second section. This time I was able to explain to her exactly what was going on inside her pelvis which made her babies need to come through an incision in her belly.

This last mom called me because her doctor had said her baby was too large and scheduled her for a section for the next day. She was in a panic. We both worked very hard for a week trying to find a care provider willing to take her and let her try for a vaginal birth whom her insurance would cover. We couldn't find one and after an exhausting week of discussions with her doctor she ultimately chose to have a scheduled cesarean. I was with her as much as Marian Hospital would allow and helped her become one of the first moms to latch her baby on in the recovery room immediately after her surgery. 

But women have lots of worries about more than just cesareans. Here are my statistics which speak to those issues; the dreaded pitocin, its connection with induction and the need for pain medications!

Pitocin

Since 2010 I have had 22% of my mamas use pitocin at some point during their birth process; either to induce labor (7%) or to move a labor along (15%). This represents a significant increase from my past 14% rate. On closer inspection I see the change has come in my use of pitocin to augment or move a labor forward. 

Induction  

My induction rate has held steady since 1993; 7%. The only reason for induction in the last 3 years has been because their water had broken and we couldn't get labor rolling with natural methods. All of these women were able to labor without resorting to pain medication and birthed vaginally. 

Augmentation

Between 1993 and 2009 7% of my clients opted to use pitocin to augment their labors. But in the last 3 years 15% utilized pitocin to try to make progress during a stalled labor. Half of the stalled labors, or 7.4%, were transferred into the hospital after a planned out-of-hospital birth. Fifty percent of those transfers ended with a vaginal birth. 

Pitocin plus Pain Medication

The other 7.4% who augmented their labor with pitocin had chosen to take pain medication and then their labor stalled. Ultimately all of these women birthed vaginally. My hat is off to the 33% of my moms who labored on pitocin without pain medication. I am in awe.

This amazing mama successfully navigated a high risk pregnancy, a pitocin induction for broken waters and a vaginal birth in the operating room; all without pain medication!

Pain Medication 

Speaking of pain medication... let's see what my numbers say about the issue. Since 2010 I have had 19% of my moms choose to use pain medication of some sort during their labor. This is up from my 1993-2009 rate of 11%. Not what I had hoped for but to put it into perspective I looked up the official epidural rate in California in 2012. Turns out it was 42%. It is hard for me to believe this is an accurate number considering how ubiquitous epidural use has become in our culture. Digging into it further I see that in 100% of the cases my moms chose pain meds, pitocin was involved; either before or after. It turns out 10% of my moms opted for pain medication and then ended up on pitocin and 10% of my moms needed pitocin and then chose an epidural to  help them cope or as part of an over-all strategy to make forward progress during their birth. I don't know how that compares with the rates for California or our individual hospitals. They don't break their rates down this way.   

Speaking of progress...as a doula I am always pushing the boundaries of the places and providers that my clients have chosen. This usually involves giving moms the information they need to confidently say no to routine policies that are not based in evidence-based practices, such as the 40 week automatic induction or rigid guidelines on fetal heart monitoring. One of the areas my clients and I have been pushing is gravity enhanced non-traditional pushing positions, i.e. birthing on hands and knees, in a squat and standing. I have felt that I wasn't getting anywhere with this issue but the numbers tell a different story. I am happy to say 15% of my moms in the last 3 years have birthed within a traditional setting using a non-traditional position. This is a testament to the strength of will and confidence of those mamas. If I was at all instrumental in creating that to happen I am satisfied.    

This beautiful 9 pound 4 ounce baby boy was born quickly and easily as his mother stood beside her hospital bed.

By the Numbers
2009-2012
27 births
55% first time mothers 

Total Vaginal Birth Rate: 78%

Adjusted Vaginal Birth Rate: 93%

        (See above story for explanation of adjustment)

Adjusted Vaginal Birth Rate First Babies: 96%

Spontaneous Start of Labor: 93%

Total without Pain Medication: 81%

Pain Medication after Pitocin: 10%

Labor without Pitocin Augmentation: 85%

Labor without any Pitocin: 78%

Successful VBAC Rate: 50%

Looking at it another way...

Total C-section Rate: 22%

Adjusted C-section Rate: 7%

    (See above story for explanation of adjustment)

Adjusted Vaginal Birth Rate First Babies: 4%

Total Pitocin Rate: 22%

Pitocin Induction Rate: 7%

Pitocin Augmentation Rate: 15%

Total Pain Medication Rate: 19%

Re-framing Birth

The typical first time mother forgets that birth is about so much more than just her labor and birth experience. It is about her baby's experience too. She gets so caught up in "planning" her birth, practicing her labor "tools" and focusing on all the people and things she thinks she needs to travel this incredible, transformational journey. She forgets about her most intimate traveling partner; the baby she carries inside her. Birth is not an isolated day of importance. It is part of a continuum which started from conception and will continue a lifetime. The mother/baby dance of love and learning begins at the beginning; in utero. Labor and birth is a unique opportunity to teach your baby about how to handle stress and fear through the power of love and connection which should flow seamlessly into those first golden hours and days immediately following birth.

Think about your baby during your birth. Send him or her waves of love and reassurance. This is your first act of motherhood. Listen to Dr. Nils Bergman on how to proceed once your baby is in your arms.

Nils Bergman, MD, MB, MPH, CHB, DCH on the Social and Emotional Intelligence of Infants

"Babies are brilliant, inexperienced people."

Diane West co-author of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and Making More Milk.