Listening

All the time we are hearing that good communication is the key to relationships. For many of us this translates to if I can just find a way to tell you what I need you to hear you will grant me what I want. Or perhaps you think of it as speaking your truth and assume that the truth will set you free? What if the key to relationships wasn't in the speaking but in the listening?

Julie Nevison, founder of Aware Parents Aware Kids, recently gifted me with a slim little gem of a book called Listening Partnerships for Parents, by Patty Wipfler targeted at listening skills. I have always thought of myself as a good listener and over the years have actively worked on improving my skills. Recently I am finding that there is WAY more for me to learn and put into practice with those I love, clients I work with, and friendships that lighten my life.

Eons ago my husband and I took a class together taught by Steve and Cathy Brody, a psychologist and therapist husband and wife team. We learned the skill of mirroring what someone said. This was supposed to help them feel heard. Unfortunately we only learned the basic rote skill. In practice we simply fed back the other person's words before rushing forward with our own ideas, complaints, or needs. My husband rightly HATED it. I had to wait for more than twenty years to see the art of mirroring done so gracefully by Christi Silva as she facilitated La Leche League meetings. Not only did she mirror but she organized and sorted the random thoughts, feelings and ideas presented without ever interjecting her own ideas or making the speaker feel judged. She handed this back to the speaker as a gift. I listened. I heard you. Thank you for sharing.

Struggling as a parent and feeling I wished to strengthen my relationship with my son I read, "How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and  Listen So Your Kids Will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish. Oh ho! So if I wanted my son to talk I needed to STOP talking! Now there's a concept. I still have a hard time with this at times. Sitting and waiting rather than engaging with questions isn't easy for me. Also this was the first time I heard the idea that as the listener, especially as a parent, it isn't your role to give them solutions or fix things for the speaker. If you just wait attentively, supportively, your child will begin to think of their own solutions. Then you can help them "try their solutions on" to see if they feel right to them or have the chance of actually working.

A few years ago taking Tory Blue's NVC class (non-violent communication) again shifted my whole perception of listening. She opened my eyes to all the critical dialogue going on in my head about myself and the person I was listening to; all the ways I thought I would, could, or should "fix" their problem. I also became aware of the concept of unmet needs creating dis-ease commonly felt by us as anger, frustration, sadness, or tension while met needs create happiness, satisfaction and joy. Communication is simply a way of asking to get unmet needs met. Sometimes others are willing and can meet those needs. Sometimes they can't or do not wish to meet the need. Often because meeting your need is in direct conflict with one of THEIR needs. This isn't wrong or bad. It just is. We may have to meet our own need or seek that need being met by a different person or in a different way. And guess what? That's okay!

La Leche League training puts a lot of emphasis on listening skills. We are taught to help a mother observe, look for clues, and sort through her own situation. We give her pertinent information she may not have which could help her clarify what she desires to do. We express confidence in her and her own abilities to know what to do and to do what needs to be done.  We tell her whatever she decides we know it will be best for her and her family. Or perhaps we are expressing confidence in her baby's abilities to learn or conquer a struggle, tap into their innate wisdom and abilities, or the hard wiring of their genetic coding. In essence we are modeling the behavior of listening to her baby rather than any other voices, especially if listening to those voices shakes her confidence in her mothering abilities.

My CranioSacral and Ortho-Bionomy studies and Feldenkrais explorations deepened my understanding of the many ways to "listen" to myself or someone else through physical touch. Again I saw that no real communication would happen if I was anything but completely accepting of what was, rather than what should be. Only after awareness and acceptance could I begin to explore other possibilities. Doors keep opening and new levels of understanding are revealed. Awareness and intention allow us to blend with another physical being through our hands. Permission has to be asked and granted on many levels before another human being will feel safe enough to reveal themselves to you. This is a sacred trust.

As an Intuitive Doula I listen with my head, heart, and hands. I listen to her hopes, dreams and plans. I listen to her birth struggles. I listen to her joy or sadness when the birth is over. So much of what I bring to a birth is simply my attentive presence. Feeling really listened to and honored through the intensity of birth is what is missing in so many women's birth stories. I listen with my ears, my brain, my hands, my intuition, my intention. Listening brings self-awareness.

Reading Patty Wipfler's little book I realized I STILL have so much to learn about active, caring listening and acceptance. Some of it was simply a good review; helping me brush up on things I already knew. There were also good reminders of things I had learned but still forget to use effectively in every day life. Most importantly it brought me a new layer of understanding about pain, hurts, and healing. Patty says unhealed childhood hurts leave scars that create rigid, irrational behavior. This makes sense to me. In order to heal those hurts we need to be LISTENED to. Feeling truly heard accepted and loved can help us release tears. Tears allow us to rid our bodies of trapped emotions. Emotional tears contain the harmful chemicals that have been trapped in our cells; frozen in rigidity. From my body work studies I know these unhealed hurts also leave physical scars in the form of physical rigidity or dis-ease trapped throughout our bodies; aching to be listened to, released, and healed. When our body feels listened to it finally is able to let go.

I am lucky to have Julie drop into my life at this time. "When the student is ready the teacher will appear." Thank you Julie.

When Home Birth Intentions Meets High Risk Birth

Thank you to Amanda and Jose for allowing me to share their story. 

Amanda hopes it will help other parents.

My third set of vaginal twins has a unique story. Like many of my clients Amanda came to me committed to a natural vaginal birth free of medical interventions, including pain medication. She wished for a home birth but she knew that wasn't possible in our area because she was carrying twins. So she settled on hiring a doula and planned to turn down as much medical "help" as possible.

But of course life rarely goes as planned...

One day, WAY too early in pregnancy, she begin to be concerned about how her body was feeling. Being a smart mama she listened to her intuition and took herself in to see her OB. Yes, her blood pressure was climbing dangerously. Before she could really grasp what was happening she was admitted to the hospital and begun on medication to bring it down.

I begin to capture Amanda's journey with my phone camera.

I came to the hospital and we talked for a long time about all the natural ways she could support her system and help bring things into a better balance, including her blood pressure. I reassured her I would come to give her birthing classes in the hospital. We strategized over how to deal with a long hospital bed rest.

One week later her water broke. Her body decided it was time to have her babies, 26 weeks or not. With contractions came climbing pressures. When I walked in Amanda was laying in bed surrounded by and attached to more medical contraptions than I have ever seen before. Blood pressure cuff, IV meds for blood pressure, IV fluids, heart monitor for mom, contraction monitor and 2 baby heart rate monitors. A bewildering array. The nurse was glued to the screen giving her all the info from all the machines. Amanda had to remain horizontal for her labor.

Let me explain. I have seen lots of moms hooked to LOTS of things but NOT a mom who was birthing without labor stimulants and/or pain medication. Here was Amanda in the midst of a high tech, high risk birth doing it "au natural".

So we labored. We breathed. We visualized. We relaxed. I sprayed the room with lavender and smoothed essential oil on her feet. We massaged her shoulders and gave her sips of water. Absolutely no food because of the high potential of an emergency cesarean. When her back began to ache I showed Jose how to use my purple rebozo to provide counter pressure with a mom on her back in bed.

The sensations were coming closer and getting more intense. With such tiny babies, with tiny heads the magic number of 10 as a goal for dilation goes out the window. You are ready to push whenever the cervix is pulled back far enough for a head to slip through. I was pretty certain we were closing in on pushing. Then Amanda began to make pushing sounds and spoke of pressure. I alerted the nurse and she did a vaginal check. Yep. No more cervix. Time to push out baby A.

Now everyone began to scramble. I don't know why they were all so surprised.

Vaginal twins are unheard of in some areas of the U.S. but here moms can birth vaginally as long as the babies are positioned right. Amanda's OB, stuck to that promise although he had plenty of opportunity to use the situation to send the birth down a cesarean path. He never once brought it up. When things got tricky he stayed calm and talked mom through exactly what needed to be done, including the urgency of the situation, enlisting her help without scaring her.

But twin births are required to take place in the operating room, just in case. So here we go...

Heading down the hall at Sierra Vista on the way to the OR.

On our way to push out two babies sans pain medication or pitocin.

  

At the last moment they separated us and made Jose and I wait in the waiting room while they got mom "prepped". I nervously wondered what they were prepping her for? Usually they make us wait outside while they put in an epidural before a cesarean. Poor Amanda was told to not push, even though you can't stop your body from pushing once it begins. A doula can really make a difference when this chaotic circumstance arises, but there I sat in the waiting room, waiting. So I snapped this handsome photo of dad sporting his hazmat birth suit.

At last we were reunited. The room was FULL of people. They had to have the whole OR team as if she was having a surgical birth just in case it suddenly became a surgical birth; obstetrician anesthesiologist, surgical nurses, labor nurse, plus 2 sets of recovery teams for the babies, respiratory specialists, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) nurses, and pediatrician. Jose and I squeezed our way in next to Amanda's side.

Pushing in the OR is very difficult. A mother has to block out everything going on around her and stay focused on her body's sensations. At the same time she has to tune into the directions she is given by her OB. It takes a tremendous amount of concentration. Plus she is flat on her back. Not an ideal position for pushing something out of one's body.

Keeping lovingly connected is also a challenge with so many on lookers; especially when your heart is racing with fear for your little girls. Jose's physical presence was a powerful support.

Soon a slippery teeny tiny Eleanor is born...
                                                                                 





 to a room FULL of people ready to help.

 

A relieved Jose; one down, one to go!

2 pound 4 ounce Baby Eleanor gets help getting started

        Is there a baby in that bundle?

Mom meets Eleanor outside her womb room.

   Now we wait for Caroline to make her entrance...

Mom's blood pressure is up; Baby's heart rate is dropping.

Time to get serious about birthing this baby.

Forty minutes after her sister tiny Baby Caroline arrives;

 raising her fist in the air to say, "I made it!"

A very short cord makes for a very rough trip.

                                           
         Whew two babies born!            A relieved mom and grateful dad celebrate.

Two pound Caroline gets help getting started.

Preemies have no body fat and lose heat fast.  Saran Wrap traps heat.     
 Daddy gets as close as he can.

First father daughter photo with Caroline.

It's official! They're here.
I'm so blessed to be part of miracles.

I am grateful to all the many people who helped at this birth and who continue to help provide care to these teeny weeny babies. When I first began working as a doula these babies would have been flown to a hospital with a higher level of care than we had in the county at that time. Mom and dad would have been left behind to wait and worry until Amanda was healthy enough to discharge from the hospital.

Don't get me wrong. I still feel way too many babies born at Sierra seem to "need" to be taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Almost all my clients have their babies spend at least a short period in the NICU for observation before being given the "all clear" to reunite with mom and dad. Please keep in mind most of my clients are not high risk and birth their babies vaginally. The conundrum for me is when a baby truly needs NICU care I am eternally grateful they can receive high quality, high risk care right her in our community. I am also grateful they are trying to move the NICU in a more family-centered, baby-friendly direction. 

Three days later I snapped this photo of an exhausted dad getting skin to skin time 

snuggled up with Caroline in the NICU.   

Shhhhh!!! Don't wake the baby.

        

Throughout it all Amanda has stayed strong. Threading her way through her increasingly complicated birth and postpartum period. She stuck to her goals of having as natural a birth as possible while never forgetting to safeguard her babies. The nurses at Sierra are blown away. They say, "You birthed preemie twins vaginally with no pain meds? Amazing!" It brings home for me the difference in our frame of reference because I never doubted Amanda a bit.

Twelve days old 

Cuddle time with mom at last!
 With all the stress Anna unfortunately ended up with a cold. 
She had to delay the sweetest of moments in a mother's life.

                                                                     

A New Path Down an Old Road

Like many mothers, the road I started down after the birth of my son has taken me places I never expected. I have reinvented myself many times in the process or perhaps the road has reinvented me. Threads from my past lives weave together and my tapestry gets richer and deeper, mellowing with age.

Many years ago my body lay broken upon the jagged shores of my deepest passion, riding horses. Just as with the birth of my son I was once again confronted with the limits of the medical model. In this case if they couldn't visualize it with their many tests, quantify it, and label it, it didn't exist therefore they had nothing to offer me as a path back to health. They would happily prescribe pain medication for the rest of my life or refer me to a psychologist because the pain was obviously in my head not in my back. My search for a way out of pain led me to a deeper understanding of many modalities; acupuncture, chiropractic, watsu, myofascial release, spinal decompression, Feldenkrais body work, hormone balancing, and craniosacral therapy. All have been instrumental in my journey toward a pain free life.

Our lives lead us many places. Mine lead me to Cayucos to the door of CranioSacral Therapist, Celeste Varas de Valdes. The combination of her amazing ability to "read" my body, the gentleness of her touch, and the profound response of my body as I floated out of pain were incomprehensible to me. How could this be? I told my husband she was a wizard. How could she hardly touch me and have such an amazing healing effect?

Celeste encouraged me to read John Upledger's book "Your Inner Physician and You." Upledger is the founder of CranioSacral work. Actually I believe he may be a re-discoverer of a wisdom known through the centuries and across many cultures. I bought the book but consciously chose to never open it. I wanted to learn on an experiential level. It is easy for me to get in my head, to get caught up in intellectual learning. I wanted this to be clean unfettered learning through my own body's experience.

As my body began to heal I became more drawn to the how and whys of cranio work. Celeste patiently answered my questions. Next my path brought a chance to learn more at a California Midwifery Conference. I attended an all day workshop by Carol Gray introducing cranio work for pregnant moms and infants. After that I was convinced I wanted to learn more about how to incorporate this modality into my doula work. Time, expense and timing, i.e. life, kept this from happening.

A few years later I was offered an opportunity to watch at the hands-on part of an Obstetric 1 CranioSacral Training at Sukha Wellness Center in Avila. I was graciously allowed to try putting my hands on one of my pregnant clients who was there for demonstration purposes. I was astonished at all that I could "feel" going on inside her; the blockages and tensions. I put my hands on clients all the time, hugs, massages, counter pressure, or just holding a hand. This was completely different. It was tuning into a vibration and letting her body gently move me in a dance. The crazy part is she was lying completely still upon a massage table. No one else looking could see the swirling movement under my hands as her body gently unwound.

Interesting, but now what? I was busy going down a new path, working on earning my La Leche League
Leadership and learning as much as I could about breastfeeding. The more I immersed myself in the world of breastfeeding the more concerned I became. Listening to so many postpartum mothers who were struggling to breastfeed; to do what should have been a simple natural act. Something that every mare I helped foal never had a problem doing. Rarely, a mare will reject her foal completely, but no mare who allows her foal to latch has problems. Foals don't have latching or sucking issues. If you feed the mare right she has plenty of milk and the foal has no problems transferring that milk from the teat to his tummy. So why were so many of our mothers caught up in the pumping, bottling, exhaustion merry-go-round?

I am a question asker. If something doesn't add up for me I ask people I trust, who have more knowledge than I, why this doesn't add up. Lactation Consultant, Julie Merrill, kindly loaned me the book "The Impact of Birthing Practices on Breastfeeding" by Kroeger and Smith. I read that book cover to cover and in its pages I discovered all the research explaining why. I immediately incorporated what I learned into educating my class and doula clients. I was inspired to try harder than ever to support pregnant mamas in ways that would keep them off the self defeating merry-go-round. That didn't feel like enough to me. More moms needed to know. So I helped create and present the community event, Beating the Booby Traps.

Wait! This is supposed to be about cranio right? Took you right down the path with me didn't I? With an out of work husband there was no time or money to think about cranio. Then last May, with the financial help of LLL and labor and delivery nurse, Janell Todd, I attended La Leche League Conference. One lecture I chose to attend was given by Alison Hazelbaker assessing Tongue-tie, a condition which wrecks havoc on breastfeeding. It was presented over 2 days. The first day all the SLO Leaders went. The second day I think I was the only one who continued. I don't know why I went. She said she was going to present how to tell the difference between a real tie and a "faux" one. I thought it would just be more assessment tools. Well her assessment tool was to do CRANIO work on the infants and after several sessions re-assess for tongue function. Turns out she was a CranioSacral Therapist as well as a Lactation Consultant. An incredibly high percentage of tongue-ties were fixed with this gentle non-surgical technique. The pieces all slid into place for me. Now I knew what I wanted to do. It isn't enough to try to help moms say no to procedures which can impact their births and their breastfeeding. It isn't enough to give technical and emotional support to moms struggling unsuccessfully to feed their little ones. I want to actually help the babies and now I know how. I need to become trained in CranioSacral Therapy for infants. These babies are literally crying out for this kind of work.

Again money and time were blocking my path. Thank you to David and Mary Sage Sennewald of Sukha who gifted me a partial scholarship so I could attend CranioSacral I last month. Thank you to Alyssa Nixon and baby Finley for birthing before October 17th!

So now what? Well this path looks fairly long and I'm already finding roadblocks but I am determined. I've attended 2 study groups since the 4 day training. I ordered my books on-line yesterday. I think I have found a used massage table so I can practice on my family and friends. I can't even begin the Obstetric or Pediatric training until I have passed Cranio II and Somato Emotional Release. I'm trying to find a way to get my anatomy studies done without having massage therapists "in training" practice on me. This is something I know my body can not handle. Then there is the legal stuff about setting up a business which involves touching people. Yesterday I was so depressed. All I could see were the roadblocks. Today I'm cracking open the pages of "Your Inner Physician and You".

Celeste's Keep In Touch: http://www.craniosacralthpy.com/

David and Mary Sage's Sukha Wellness Center: http://sukhawellnesscenter.com/

"Whole"istic Mamas Support for After Your Baby Arrives

You are invited to join my "Whole"istic Mama and Papas parenting support and social group! 

For the last twenty years I have been asked by moms who had attended my birth classes if  I would please start a mom support group after their babies came. Unfortunately I was too busy raising my son, being a wife, birth educator, doula, foreign exchange student teacher/coordinator and horse trainer and community birth advocate to say yes. In 2012 I finished my La Leache League leadership training and finally decided they were right. Moms who were choosing to parent from an attached perspective needed more support in our community. 

Because I have always viewed parenting as a dynamic constantly evolving experience I purposely chose to not call the group "attachment parenting". I wanted to encourage a broader spectrum of mamas to feel welcome. So I created the term "Whole"istic Parenting which I felt better reflected my views of parenting the whole child. At our meet ups and in our face book group I encourage mamas to make conscious choices for their child's physical, intellectual and emotional health. Research shows these are not distinct areas but are forever inseparably intertwined. 

The group offers mama-to-mama support and information sharing, as well as a social outlet with several park or play dates a month. The conversation is free flowing, covering whatever is on the minds of the attending mamas from sleep issues, balancing family needs, extended family, nutrition, traditional and alternative health providers, education, communication and more. As a veteran working mom, past home and public schooling parent, and La Leche League leader I gently offer guidance and resources. I ultimately believe mamas know the right path to choose for their unique family situation when given a small amount of nonjudgmental information and encouragement to listen to their heart. To receive invitations to our Blanket Babies & Toddler Time meet ups and join the on-line group feel free to friend me on face book and request to join.

Pregnancy; the first step into Motherhood

This article was written by a much loved and respected resource in our community, Dr. Zoe Wells. Over the years many of my clients and friends have benefited from Dr. Zoe’s help in healing. She brings a unique blend of education, holding a doctorate in Naturopathic Medicine with a certification in Obstetrics as well as a degree in psychology, and a gentle and caring spirit to her work.

Naturopathic Medicine is a holistic approach to healing encompassing all parts of the person; mind, body & spirit. It combines safe and effective traditional therapies with the most current advances in modern medicine. Some of the modalities Dr. Zoe is skilled at include: Herbs, homeopathy, craniosacral therapy, hydrotherapy and nutritional therapy.

Issues she has helped my clients with have included recurring yeast infections, beta strep positive test results, hormone imbalances, postpartum depression, and more. Not only has she helped them with their physical issues but the women feel so respected and cared for. On her web site Dr. Zoe says “many people have stated that this is the first time they have felt heard and have been able to share their full medical history”. I can believe this. Although pregnant women are in and out of a doctor’s office every month they often feel they are part of an assembly line. But with Dr. Zoe they work together to develop an individualized treatment plan. Dr. Zoe says, “We will always be working towards healing and what that uniquely means for you”.

I was so excited when she said she would write an article about pregnancy for my blog. When I read it I thought, “How perfect! Her thoughts on "Creating a Healthy Pregnancy" are just the right blend of mind, body & spirit.” Enjoy!

Pregnancy; the first step into Motherhood
Pregnancy is such a miraculous time for women. It often affords women a chance to hone skills that will assist them in labor and even more importantly throughout motherhood.

Pregnancy is a time of numerous changes – body changes, emotional changes, hormonal changes - all preparation for the giant step of becoming a mother. One of the lessons that pregnancy can teach women is to go beyond themselves, sometimes for the first time considering the well-being of another before their own personal needs. Women find the strength and dedication to achieve their goals in pregnancy that they could not or would not fulfill before their body was filled with another presence. With the knowledge that a woman is carrying another being, literally bringing another person into form, she is motivated to care for her body as a vehicle for miracles beyond herself.

She has more determination to eat well, not only for herself but even more importantly or so it feels, for this new body forming - for this offspring that she alone is growing and raising and that she will eventually bring out into the world. She may dedicate time to exercising and thinking of her body in a new way – as this miraculous process of birth proceeds, a woman comes to understand that her body is amazing, able to bring life, able to create family and a new richness is seen in her ability, the meaning of her life.

Women can also find it easier than ever before to avoid tobacco, alcohol, marijuana and medications during pregnancy as she sees her role as life giver. The habits of her previous life are softened and take on a different meaning when she sees the body as a vehicle for nurturing a new life. Sometimes these habits are difficult to stop and feel too challenging to manage along with the challenges of pregnancy. This is a great time to consider the meaning of these habits and coping mechanisms in contrast with this new life springing forth inside and what it is asking of the mother. Realizing that one is giving life and nurturing life within her own body, can be that extra motivation to reach beyond the “easy answers”, the habitual responses that do not serve our higher good but keep us from caring for ourselves in ways that serve our health and wellness more deeply.

During pregnancy much time and attention goes towards the event of labor often perceived as an immense obstacle to overcome, but I think it is important to recognize it as just another gateway into becoming a mother, a parent. The decisions one makes around labor and how she handles the stress of pain and an intense situation such as labor is the first of many such decisions that a mother will make as her child grows. Early infancy and childhood ask mothers to make many decisions – how to feed her baby, her philosophy around teaching her child to sleep, how to meet the baby’s and later child’s developmental needs. Parenthood requires both mother and father to constantly assess situations, know themselves, and then implement decisions regarding how best to care for their offspring. Labor is a great first step in dealing with the unexpected if that has not already occurred in pregnancy. Life does provide many opportunities for responding to the unexpected and dealing with change.

Pregnancy Health BasicsThere are choices a woman can make during pregnancy to help herself and nurture her growing baby at the same time. When the body feels like it has its own agenda, it is nice to be able to make choices that support one’s well being and sense of balance.

1. Nutrition is key in pregnancy. I consider nutrition to be #1 in terms of contributing to a healthy pregnancy. For most of pregnancy a woman needs an extra meal per day (not twice her normal meals!) to feed her changing body and the developing baby. During the first trimester when many women feel nauseous, extra whole grain carbohydrates can be beneficial such as brown rice, oatmeal or granola, sweet potatoes and cooked vegetables such as winter squashes. Miso soup also tends to calm the stomach and eggs are an easy and often well tolerated source of protein. As the appetite increases and the stomach calms, an increase in protein rich foods, vegetables and fruit are better tolerated and well needed. During the third trimester when the body feels the weight demands of the larger baby, the high quality fats are important for baby’s brain development such as nuts and seeds, fish, avocado, coconut oil and olive oil. Eating smaller meals are better tolerated with a focus on more protein and vegetables as preparation for labor.

2. Exercise. Exercise is even more important for mom than baby. Body changes during pregnancy are constant and one’s exercise routine should reflect these changes. Early on in pregnancy a woman can feel short of breath and fatigued, a time when less intense exercise is beneficial. Later when the body has adjusted to the hormonal shifts and weight changes, a woman can increase her exercise to pre-pregnancy levels if this is well tolerated. Anemia must always be taken into consideration as there is less oxygen available during anemia and exercise is not as well tolerated or supported. At the end of pregnancy many women enjoy water exercises to have moments of weightlessness where she can stretch her body and enjoy the water supporting her weight. Keeping cardiovascular health up during pregnancy helps with labor both psychologically as well as physically.

3. Avoid alcohol, tobacco, marijuana as well as decrease caffeine and sugar. These will lower incidences of pre-eclampsia, high blood sugar, high blood pressure, yeast infections and decrease the risk of medical intervention during labor, and baby needing medical assistance after labor.

4. Time for quiet and centering. With the birth of a first child life changes in ways previously not fathomed. Pregnancy may be the last time for a while when a woman has time for herself, quiet time, reflective time. I recommend taking time regularly in pregnancy to check in with yourself, see how you feel, journal, meditate, pray, hike, walk… whatever feeds your soul. Life is about to change and the more centered you are, the easier it will be to respond to those changes. You will know yourself better and have a place from which you can make the decisions that will support you and your family.
Best wishes to you in your pregnancy! What an amazing time of life, both for you and your baby – the first of many journeys you will take together.
Visit Dr. Zoe's web site!

Birth & Baby Resource Network Celebrates!

From a booth at Earth Day to a school hallway to Garden Street to Mission Plaza; this year marks a milestone in the history of this local all women non-profit organization as we host our fifteenth annual Birth & Baby Fair. In presenting this year’s Fair BBRN is excited to be partnering with Santa Lucia Birth Center andCommunity Health Centers. We are a very small organization of dedicated volunteers and putting on the Birth Fair is a huge task each year. To have Santa Lucia Birth Center and Community Health Centers come in as co-sponsors of the Fair this year helped make our fifteenth annual a reality. Since our founding nearly 20 years ago our mission hasn't changed. It is to connect families to information and resources that help empower them to make safe decisions. The Fair is our premier community outreach event creating a network of resources for families across the spectrum of health care.

The Fair is looked forward to each year by pregnant couples and new parents all over the county as the best place to connect to health practitioners, photographers, and local craft people with ties to pregnancy, birth and babies, as well as, gathering health and safety information. There will be raffles, freebies, food and fun. The Silent Auction will have many wonderful items including a car seat donated by San Luis Obispo County Child Injury Prevention Coalition. It is BBRN’s tradition to hold the Fair the day before Mother’s Day as part of our way of celebrating motherhood and honoring the work mothers do. What started as a few booths in a school hallway has blossomed into spilling out onto the streets surrounding Mission Plaza. Come join the excitement as we celebrate from 10 to 3.

BBRN is also proud to announce the reopening of our Lending Library which had been put in storage due to earthquake retrofitting. The Library is an important part of fulfilling our mission of providing families access to information empowering them to make their own decisions surrounding pregnancy, birth & parenting. The Library is located in the Santa Lucia Birth Center on South Higuera across from Los Osos Valley Road.

Another way the Resource Network has been busy this year with community outreach is hosting monthly events on such varied topics as; “Birth from a Multicultural Perspective”, “Talking with Your Child about Sex”, “Postpartum Depression”, and “How Birth is Portrayed in the Media”. Coming in May is “Birthing an Earth Friendly Family” and June we will hold another "Meet the Midwives" night. In order to provide a wide range of topics BBRN networks with many local non-profits and individuals to present up to date information on what is currently available in our community. The environmentally friendly baby store, EcoBambino in downtown SLO graciously provides a location.

For information on events, Library hours, membership, or to access our on-line Resource Guide visit their web site at http://www.bbrn.org/.

Thank you to Marilyn Rivas Tate who took beautiful photographs of the 2010 Birth Fair !

Breastfeeding & Working: I did it and you can too!

Are you breastfeeding and working? Whether you are leaving your baby and stepping back into a suit or juggling working from home it is challenging continuing to breastfeed. I applaud you for wanting to give your baby the very best! You probably already know breast milk is nutritionally far superior to formula with long and short term health, emotional and intellectual benefits for you both. My guess is that is why you have taken on the many challenges which come with this territory.

I have first hand experience at being a working breastfeeding mom. When my son was born I was a professional horse trainer. I had continued to ride until I was almost 7 months pregnant. When I was told it was time to get off my feet I took a chaise lounge to the arena's edge and instructed students from my throne. The day I went into labor I had been helping the vet do lameness exams. In the throes of labor it floated into my consciousness that it was Sunday; I was missing the local horse show. Clutching my husband's hand I whispered I would rather be at the show. After about 2 weeks off I packed my baby up and headed back to the barn. By 5 weeks I was pumping and leaving him home with his dad one day a week having compresssed all my students' riding lessons into one day. That first day I don't know which ached more when I got home to our little Shell Beach home, my arms from longing to hold him, my heart from the separation or my boobs!

My son went to the barn with me 5 days a week until he was about 11 years old. Through teething, weaning, learning to walk, ride a bike, skate board and scooter, homeschooling and more I mothered him in the midst of my professional life. It required patience, flexibility, daring and determination on my part. I guess it required that from Joe as well. It was a conscious choice on both our parts that we wanted to be together. Somehow we made it work for both of us. Every day was different because he was growing and changing, so I was constantly having to shift gears and learn something new; step into unknown mommy territory.

During our breastfeeding stage I didn't know anyone else who was doing what I was doing. I'm sure they were out there but I didn't know them. If I had gone to a La Leche League meeting I could have connected to women who were also blending their career and mommyhood. I sure could have used the ideas and encouragement. Unfortunately I didn't know League existed so I blazed my own trail with my son riding double behind.

Now there is an evening La Leche League meeting which speaks to the specific issues of breastfeeding while working. On the 4th Monday women and their babies are gathering at Santa Lucia Birth Center to share, laugh, decompress and advise one another. In a warm friendly atmosphere important bits of information are passed from woman to woman, such as, which breast pump worked the best for you, how did you work that through with your boss, how has your husband been able to help, or how do you get enough sleep at night to go to work the next day. The conversation is different every time. Although there is a general discussion topic, questions or concerns about anything are always welcome. Of course once you get home from work it may feel insurmountable to go out of the house again. But if you can get yourself to come to just one meeting I think you will find yourself re-energized with good mommy feelings and recommitted to giving your baby the best. Don't forget if you bring the baby Dad gets a night to re-energize too!

Ancient Nutritional Wisdom from India & China

I’m Courtney Coleman of CookWell.org and I’d like to give you some ancient wisdom from India and China on whole foods diet & lifestyle so that you and your baby can be as healthy & beautiful as possible. You, as a mother, are my role model. I very much look forward to experiencing the magic of carrying & birthing my own child someday. Pregnant and nursing mothers are role models for women everywhere. Congratulations!

As most of you know, the Standard American Diet of processed & fast food is a huge factor in degenerative diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and cancer. This has happened since the mass food-processing & refining era of the 1940's which denatures food. The stripping away of the natural food-state vitamin and fiber-rich bran of grains, the refining of vegetable oils renders them highly unstable and oxidized (rancid), the adding of nutrient void fillers, chemical preservatives, anti-caking agents, antibiotics, hormones, etc. and the refining of sugar all bring our vitality crashing to the floor. Warning! Basically, 99% of the packaged products at grocery stores including Trader Joe’s AND health food stores are made from refined foods. Beware of packaged foods labeled organic - they’re still made from refined wheat, etc. Even when the ingredient list says, “evaporated cane juice” and “sea salt”, these ingredients are still refined to the degree that they are not good for the body.

Sally Fallon, in her book, Nourishing Traditions, shows us why indigenous people have far fewer diseases than modern Americans. They eat regionally, with whole grains, beans and vegetables as the basis of their diets. They use animal products when needed medicinally, for building strength and warmth. And, they soak & sprout or ferment their grains. Unsoaked and unfermented whole grains and flours contain phytic acid which binds with minerals (mostly calcium) and inhibits their absorption, ultimately leading to degenerative bone loss and tooth decay. People who eat sprouted or fermented grains as a staple have strong teeth and bones late into life. Vikings and other European cultures fermented their wheat flour to make sourdough. Even American pioneers were famous for their sourdough breads, pancakes, & biscuits. African natives and the Welsh ferment corn or millet for several days to make porridges. In India, rice and lentils are fermented to make idli and dosas. (Sprouted grain bread is higher in usable calcium & protein both important pregnancy building blocks! My pregnancy specific additions are in italics-Jennifer)

Also, indigenous people don’t eat processed foods which spike the blood sugar - refined flour, sugar, soda pop, etc. High-glycemic foods over time are being found to be the culprits in not only insulin resistance and diabetes, but in high blood pressure, heart disease, and in depressed immunity and thyroid function. (It is important when growing a baby that we keep the fire of creation set at a consistent temperature. This helps with nausea & tiredness commonly thought of as “normal” in pregnancy. Most importantly it helps prevent pregnancy diabetes which can send women down the path to an automatic cesarean section!)

And as far as sweeteners, we want grade B maple syrup, barley malt syrup, brown rice syrup, small amounts of raw honey, rapidura sugar (sucanat), and organic molasses. Stevia leaf extract is a natural, no-sugar, no-calorie sweetener, which is great for low glycemic and candida diets. (Again helps with gestational diabetes prevention, as well as, yeast and thrush prevention.)

Indigenous people don’t consume refined salt. They use whole sea salts rich in trace minerals (electrolytes), which our bodies need. Refined salt is just sodium-chloride, which acts like a toxin in the body and elevates blood pressure. We want foods to be made with salts like “whole sea salt, Celtic sea salt, Himalayan Pink sea salt, Real Salt brand (sold at TJ’s), or Portuguese sea salt.” These are the salts our bodies can use for their benefit. (Salt is necessary during pregnancy to help balance the chemistry of our bodies. It is recommended that women eat salt to taste.)

Regarding oils, people who live long, healthy lives close to the earth use only unrefined (extra virgin) oils. Refined vegetable oils like canola, corn and soy oil change molecularly with heat and form long-chain fatty acids. Using refined vegetable oils in cooking at home, eating at restaurants & fast food joints, and eating packaged, processed foods (especially those with hydrogenated oils), works in conjunction with saturated fats to clog our arteries. The oils which benefit the body should be unrefined (extra virgin) and cold pressed. Store them in airtight, opaque glass at 65 degrees F or less. To cook on high heat use: ghee, coconut, peanut, grapeseed, palm, or palm kernel. To cook on medium/low heat, use: olive, sesame, almond, apricot kernel and avocado. (Oil or fat is an important ingredient in a healthy pregnancy, as long as it is the right kind. This is commonly misunderstood by American women in their quest for body perfection they have thrown out the good fat along with the bad. Flaxseed, fish oil and Evening Primrose oil are all recommended as supplements.)

Also, we are usually de-hydrated and don’t even know it. There are doctors who recommend drinking more water for every disease. We should be getting ½ our ideal body weight in ounces per day. Hydrate with 16 - 32 ounces of water 4 times per day without food. Only drink 4 oz or so with meals to avoid diluting your stomach acids & enzymes. When you hydrate with large amounts of water, do it 30 min before meals, or about 2 hrs after meals (hydrate, wait 30 min, eat, wait 2 hrs, hydrate...). For the body to really be able to uptake water so it goes to efficient use in the body, re- mineralize purified water with a pinch of whole sea salt, a squeeze of lemon, a tsp or so of raw apple cider vinegar, or an ounce of any real fruit juice. All these things contain trace minerals (aka: electrolytes). So you basically want to create Gator Aid without the sugar. If you think about it, water in nature always has trace minerals present for the body to use, as it comes to us from wells, springs and streams. (For heart burn help, change your water habits! This problem is so common in pregnancy it is considered normal. Don’t dilute your stomach acid before a meal! Instead use Courtney’s time table and definitely try adding the vinegar!)

Basically, if it’s from a package or any restaurant, it’s probably not good for you. If you can restrict your consumption of processed & restaurant foods down to 20% of the time, and 80% of the time use fresh, seasonal, organic vegetables & fruits from Farmer’s markets or health food stores, whole grains soaked & simmered at home like millet, amaranth & quinoa, and whole beans and lentils, you are on the road to a gently cleansing and balancing whole foods diet.

Now, we are all biochemically different & need different foods & lifestyle practices to maintain vitality and balance. Some of us, based on ancestry and other constitutional factors, may need animal proteins and non-starchy vegetables more often than whole grains as the basis of our diets. If you have low energy, you may want to experiment with systems like blood typing, metabolic typing and Ayuvedic typing for a few weeks to figure out which type of diet & lifestyle works best for you. Also, in regard to seasonal foods and cooking, nature knows best and always provides us with foods which help balance us. Eating foods grown seasonally and regionally helps to balance our bodies. We generally need warming foods and cooking techniques in the fall & winter, and cooling, cleansing foods and cooking techniques in the spring & summer. The exception to this is that some of us tend to be cool and deficient with cold extremities, so we need warming building foods year round, and some of us tend to be hot, with excess weight and need more cooling & cleansing foods year round.

In regard to eating a raw diet vs. macrobiotic & Ayurvedic diets, I’ll say this: Each of us has a different quality of digestive fire, or agni, as it’s referred to in Ayurveda, the East Indian philosophy of eating and living in harmony with nature. Where one person may be able to eat some of everything offered at a buffet, another person may need to carefully apply the principals of proper food combining and eat mostly cooked foods which are easier to digest. According to both Macrobiotics and Ayurveda, a 100% raw diet year-round is particularly cooling, contractive and difficult for most people to digest. Living enzymes can be added to meals with salads or other raw veggies on the side eaten at the end of the meal. Also, a lifetime of eating refined foods and more animal proteins than necessary is what leads to systemic enzyme deficiency. (During pregnancy our digestion slows down to promote more nutrient absorbtion. For some women this causes digestive issues. Add to that enzyme deficiency and you may have a perfect storm going on in your digestive system!) Soaked (and thusly sprouted) and simmered whole grains provide an easily digestible, long lasting energy source that’s gentle on the digestive system. Whole grains lie more toward the middle of the yin/yang spectrum and help us maintain balanced blood sugar, hormones and body chemistry. In balance, whole grains and seasonal vegetables comprise the basis of the diet around which more extreme parts of the diet revolve.

When we are in balance, we can more easily quiet our minds and open our hearts to know what the best action is in any given moment. From this place we can go forward in the world and make it a better place.

Courtney graciously included several recipes to get you started and a reading list for further study!

About Courtney and her CookWell business.

I’m 33 yrs old and for the past 12 years I’ve studied and practiced Macrobiotics, Solar Nutrition and Ayurvedic cooking. My friends loved the whole foods meals I’d make with them and said they felt more vital after eating with me, so in 2006 I started teaching people in their own kitchens to CookWell. I teach how a whole foods diet & lifestyle can prevent and reverse disease, increase energy, and bring the mind, body and spirit back to balance to people all over SLO County. I give guidelines for balancing their particular constitution according to blood typing, Ayurvedic typing and metabolic typing. And, of course, I show them how to make incredibly delicious whole foods meals for their families. This work is incredibly gratifying, and I feel blessed to be on this path. I’d love to talk to anyone anytime to offer further wisdom on the how-to of a whole foods diet & lifestyle. To get you started, I have instructional videos & some delicious free recipes listed at the bottom of the first few pages of my website like: positively perfect brown rice, chipotle beans with sea veggies, and dark leafy greens stir-steam. I teach, sometimes alongside my wonderful husband Don who helps people with their emotions, with developing mindfulness and joy in the kitchen, and with gently transitioning to a whole foods diet & lifestyle. His website is http://www.gingerbuddha.com/. We teach private or small group classes for adults or kids in your SLO county home at affordable prices. We also offer whole foods cooking for your party or event, or for meals for you to store & re-heat. I welcome any questions you may have and can be reached at courtney@cookwell.org or (805) 528-8837.

Don't forget to visit her web site at: www.cookwell.org!

Women of SLO County Help Empower Your Sisters & Friends!

There is nothing more powerful than women sharing information. Most women make important decisions about their health care based on things they have learned from other women in their community. This exchanging of information and wisdom is a staple of women's conversations from time immemorial; from the local well at the oasis to the local quilting bee on the prairie. Today women go on-line in droves to connect on social networks; from chat rooms to blogs to web sites devoted to women's issues. It is time information about our local birth community was part of this conversation. You can help your sisters, friends, workmates and all the birthing women of SLO County. It is simple. You don't even have to leave your home.

If you have given birth in the last 3 years I urge you to let your voice be heard. By answering the questions on the Birth Survey you can easily let other women in our community know how happy or unhappy you are with your care provider, place of birth, doula & childbirth educator. You also will be helping the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services compile national statistics on what is really happening out there with issues, such as, induction & pitocin, epidurals, and cesareans. Perhaps just as important for other women to hear is how the office staff treated you, if your care provider listened to you, were you able to get all your questions answered, did they provide their statistics for c-sections, episiotomies and natural births. How would you rate the hospital staff? Did you feel well cared for? Did they offer breastfeeding help and was it helpful, etc.? Wouldn't you like the women in our community to know about the quality of care you received during your pregnancy, birth & early postpartum period?

For a pregnant woman finding a care provider, doula, educator and place of birth that match her values surrounding birth is critically important. These choices can make or break her feelings about her birth. Her birth has the power to impact her either positively or negatively. As an example, if she wants an epidural she should go to a doctor who supports that choice and if she doesn't want one she needs to find a care provider that supports THAT choice. Why? Because if she desires to birth with an epidural and doesn't receive one she will feel disempowered during the birth. For the woman that wished to birth without medication and then feels pressured to give in to an epidural she will feel victimized and helpless. The key is finding the right match for you. Look up a doctor, midwife or hospital.

Guess what? Sierra Vista isn't even on the survey yet because in the 2 years it has been going no one has input any information about their experience there. We owe it to our sisters, friends, coworkers and all the women in our community to stand up and be counted. Please take the Birth Survey!

You Don't Know How Lucky You Are

I don't believe the birthing women of San Luis Obispo have a clue how lucky they are. Even many of the women working in our birth community don't know how lucky we are. We are so busy being in the here and now of our little corner of the world we assume this is how it has always been, this is how it is everywhere. Those of us working in the "alternative" birth community often see only the negatives. Guess what? Your perception is wrong. There are so many positives going on every day in our community. There is constant movement toward making births better for all women and their babies.

This was brought home to me in a very powerful and personal way the first time I attended a birth outside of our community. Being with my sister-in-law as she birthed at a hospital in Berkeley was an eye opening experience. A few years later attending another sister-in-law in Nevada taught me to treasure our hospitals and the people working in them. I can't tell you how grateful I am to be working as a doula in SLO.

So let's focus on the positives please! Here is a list:

Twenty years ago when I had my son if your baby was born in need of serious medical attention he was flown by helicopter to Stanford. Moms, dads and babies were separated until the mom was recovered enough from the birth to drive up to the Bay Area. Then the staff at Sierra Vista got together and created our local NICU. This was a huge project which now benefits women, babies and families in our community every day. Now if you are a high risk mom or have a high risk baby you have a place to go close to home and the support of family and friends.

When it became clear to everyone that General Hospital was probably going to no longer be funded by the county French Hospital stepped up to fill the gap. General had always been the low-tech family friendly hospital. French Hospital with it's small size and supportive staff is an excellent hospital for women going for a less medicalized birth approach.

Not too many years ago the best we could do for using water as a pain relief method was a shower. Now we have labor tubs at all three county hospitals where women can seek pain relief without the use of narcotics and needles. Want to birth in water? You can rent a tub and birth at home with one of our skilled homebirth midwives.

Fifteen years ago when a friend needed a specialized ultrasound done to check out the chambers of her baby's heart she had to travel to the Bay Area. Now for women who need specialized monitoring of their pregnancy we have qualified perinatologists with ultrasound capabilities far beyond what we once had.

We have lots of OB doctors with lots of different personalities and philosophies and styles to choose from. If you want to use a midwife instead we have an ever growing choice. There is something for every woman on the menu. Want to birth in the hospital but with a midwife? Guess what? We currently have two different certified midwifery groups working with two different doctors. Don't want to go to the hospital? We have two different licensed midwives to choose from and by this time next year we should have several new midwives joining their ranks.

Don't feel comfortable either birthing at home or in the hospital? Guess what? We have an out-of-hospital birth center currently under construction. It is due to be open for women with December due dates. Watch their progress on facebook.

I remember when your only choice for birth education was to take Lamaze at the hospital or Bradley outside the hospital. Now you can choose from these as well as Informed Birth & Parenting, Hypnobirthing, Birth Works or Birthing from Within. There is something for everyone from over the grade to the south county.

We have many other support groups and professionals for new parents in our area. Need free breastfeeding help? Call the Warm Line at 541-BABY. Want a breastfeeding support group? Try our local La Leche League meetings. Speaking of breastfeeding; we have excellent lactation consultants working in and out of our hospitals. Need postpartum support and counseling? Call the Postpartum Hot line at 549-7786. Need a shoulder to cry on about a negative birth experience? Go to one of our ICAN meetings. We have mommy support networks both on line and in person such as SLO County Mommies. We have parenting classes through Parent Participation throughout the county or Andrea Herron's Growing with Baby.

Considering using a doula at your birth? Go to the resource guide at the Birth & Baby Resource Network: wwwbbrn.org. We have a whole list of doulas working in the community and new ones getting trained all the time. The perfect match to your personality and belief system is just waiting for you.

As a doula these last items are the most important to me.

When the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists created new rules which required anesthesiologists standing by for a woman to be "allowed" to go for a vaginal birth after a previous c-section Sierra Vista stepped up and did what was necessary to make that happen for our community. Guess what? We have the only hospital for hundreds of miles that will do v-bacs. I recently had a client who moved back here from Santa Barbara just to be able to successfully v-bac!

Need a c-section? Our hospitals are actively working to create them to be as family friendly as possible given their staffing and geography restraints. They are trying to keep moms, dads, and babies together as much as possible. And guess what? Usually your doula, as well as your husband, can be with you during the entire process.

Last I would like to speak about the relationships with the hospital staff and doulas in our community. It has been many years since I was introduced at a birth as a doula and felt open hostility from the nurses. Now the staff has grown in their understanding and acceptance of the value of doulas within the hospital setting so much that I have even been paired with new nurses so they could be part of a "natural" birth. I would like to also say that anytime I have had doula clients with special needs or situations in preparing for their births both Marie Chaney, Maternal Child Assistant Director, at Sierra Vista and Charley Ault, OB Nurse Manager, at French took the time to speak with them and did their best to accommodate their needs and desires.

So within SLO town the picture looks pretty rosy but step outside this box and the picture gets ugly fast. There are hospitals that won't "allow" doulas to be present at births. They also don't "allow" birth plans or want couples who have taken classes which encourage natural unmedicated births. As a doula I have run into open hostility, been excluded from c-sections, had my client's pre-arranged wishes for their births ignored and witnessed verbal disrespect bordering on abuse of a mom preparing for a cesarean birth.

So thank you to all the women over the years who have tried to make this community more mother/baby friendly. A mountain of sand can be moved one grain at a time.


To read more about life outside our bubble go to A Sign on the Door.