Looking Deeper into a Negative Birth Story

This blog piece is in direct response to the recent piece in the Huffington Post, “My True Feelings Regarding My Home Birth Experience” by Ashley Martin. Please take the time to read her birth story before you read my response.

This is a sad story. As a doula I have listened to many sad birth stories over the years. Sad stories from home births. Sad stories from hospital births. Unfortunately negative births happen all too often although the vast majority of births in the U.S. have positive outcomes; healthy moms and healthy babies. When I hear a disturbing story I have learned to pause and think. To put it in context with all the birth stories I have heard and all the births I have witnessed. I have learned to dig deeper while at the same time to not judge either the mother, place or care providers. It is important to remember that this is HER story. Her perception of home birth based on her two experiences of home birth. I wish her title had been, "What MY Home Birth Was Like". This birth lives large in her mind and heart; although she had previously birthed at home and I can only assume it went well because she chose to birth this baby at home as well. The trauma of this second home birth has indelibly imprinted its personal message in her psyche. If we were to hear her midwife's or doula’s perception it might be vastly different.

When birth turns high risk it instantly becomes traumatic for mom and dad no matter where it takes place. No matter how blissful the labor. No matter how much they trust those around them or themselves or a higher power. Naturally parents are extremely grateful to the person or people who they perceive as "saving" their baby. I put saving in quotes because I paused and put this birth into context. I used this mom's words about the actual timeline to direct my thinking. I thought about the births I have attended in hospitals that suddenly took a turn into trauma. I thought about what I know about neonatal resuscitation and procedures and time lines.

It is very difficult for parents when they feel let down by ANYONE at their birth. It is even more devastating when it happens in the middle of a high risk situation. When one group of care providers points fingers and lays blame at another during the process, rather than working as a seamless safety net for mom and baby, then things really begin to unravel emotionally for parents. Through this mother’s words I can hear the echoes of the hospital staff blaming the care she was provided, although they were not their to witness it, before she entered their doors. I have walked the halls of our San Luis Obispo hospitals. I have heard these words of blame and yet I only hear words of support for all involved echoing down the hospital halls when one of their births suddenly turns into a dangerous mess. Even when a baby dies. Our culture is always looking for “the other”, the one who is different. The one we can safely blame because they are not like us.

When we add the fact that our culture insists on a perfect baby every time in every birth place AND a perfect experience, AND someone must be to blame when that doesn't happen it often surprises me that anyone is willing to help birthing women at all. When things go bad the people providing care have put their lives, their livelihoods and their families in the line of fire. This has happened in our community. It has happened to both midwives and doctors. Good people providing good care as best they could.

Now we need to look more deeply into this mother’s birth. Here are the facts she presented. She had a very rare presentation. We are not told when during the birth process this was discovered or what steps or actions were done based on this information. It may have been missed until the baby was close to crowning, especially if her pushing phase was rapid or she hired a midwife who believed in a hands out of vagina birth. It is easy to immediately jump to the conclusion that if it was missed it must mean that her midwife was not qualified or was somehow negligent. But consider that I have been at 2 different breech situations where, despite numerous vaginal checks by doctors, midwives and nurses, no one realized that the babies were breech during labor until mom was fully dilated. If they had come rapidly after reaching 10 centimeters we would have had accidental vaginal breech births. Breeches happen much more often than brow presentations so presumably all of these providers had had the opportunity to feel what a breech feels like; whereas very few providers have ever felt a brow presentation.

Her second difficulty was the shoulder dystocia. Now I know from my son's birth that shoulder dystocia is scary even in the hospital. Everyone in the room goes on high alert. I have seen this dealt with quickly, smoothly and successfully both at home and in the hospital. Actually as scary as it was for her it appears since her baby is fine that it was dealt with successfully at her birth too. She mentions receiving fundal pressure to help get her baby out. I too received fundal pressure. Is fundal pressure risky for mom? You betcha. I learned this long after my birth. Have I seen doctors and midwives deal with shoulder dystocia successfully with no further complications for mom and baby? Plenty! Can shoulder dystocia go horribly wrong? Yes. I know of 2 cases in our county where it went horribly wrong. One at a home birth with a qualified midwife and one in a hospital with an extremely qualified and well respected doctor. She says her baby was stuck for 9 minutes. I assume she means head out body trapped inside behind the shoulder trapped behind her pubic bone. What steps can one take at this point in a birth anywhere. You can move mom into different positions. You can reach inside and try to free the trapped shoulder or turn baby into a new position. You can push back on the shoulder to break the clavicle. Were these tried? We don't know. What we do know is you can not get a cesarean in under 9 minutes in a labor bed.

Then she says 911 was called at 1 minute after birth. That is a very quick response from a midwife and right in line with MOST hospitals. Currently our local hospitals have baby respiratory specialists standing by at all births. Don't let this fool you. This has only been the case in our community in the last few years. Before that, like many hospitals around the country, labor nurses would have been taking care of this baby until a specialist could be called in. Normally at a birth, home or hospital, babies are given help if breathing is difficult or heart rate is low. As the baby is worked on it is constantly assessed every 30 seconds to see if it is responding to the intervention. If not, a swift decision is made to continue and/or go the next step. This midwife knew in 1 minute that this baby needed more help than they could offer at home and the call was made. She did the RIGHT thing and called an ambulance to transport. The ambulance arrived, assessed and transferred baby into the ambulance by 6 minutes! Not sure how that is possible but bravo! I have seen respiratory specialist teams struggle much, much longer at the hospital bedside before transferring into the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

What happened during the first minute? Was the baby dried and stimulated? This is the first step taken with any baby in trouble. Yes I can see by the photos this was done immediately. I see the assistant about to put the baby stethoscope on and listen to the heart rate. The mother tells us the assistant was warned to listen carefully and be sure of her assessment. Was this baby suctioned? Did they use only a bulb syringe or the DeLee which the hospital would have used? This mom doesn't say. Was the baby given oxygen? Yes. I know this from the photos. I can also see the baby has the slightest bit of pinking up beginning to show which indicates that his system is trying to circulate blood and that blood is oxygenated. They are also in the process of cutting the cord. This might be done if they are about to start CPR and therefore need to move the baby to a firm surface. Did the baby require CPR? Did the baby respond to CPR? The mother doesn’t tell us. Perhaps because she was in too much shock to take it in. She also doesn't tell us how long she pushed or what the baby's heart rate was during labor; especially pushing. Without all of this important information I have no way to assess the quality of the care provided by her midwife or if anything would have been different about her birth if it had taken place in a hospital. This may be an excellent midwife taking exactly the same steps they would have taken at the hospital in the same order and with the same rapidity.

We also don’t know what “life-saving” steps were taken by the traditional medical staff. Did the EMT need to do infant CPR when they arrived? How did the baby respond? What was the baby's condition when it arrived at the hospital? Did they need to intubate this baby so it could breathe? Perhaps, but there is no sign of that in the photos. The baby appears to have a line of fluids going in indicating medication of some type. Could this simply be the antibiotics so often given to home birth transport babies because of the perceived bias of a “dirty” home environment? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

She also feels that she almost died during this process. Women can die during birth. It happens due to hemorrhage. When a woman hemorrhages there is blood. There is LOTS of blood everywhere. This mom mentions no blood. Remember her description of the bathroom floor? She talks about baby poop being everywhere but not blood. Could she have bled too much? Perhaps. I have been with moms who have bled too much. Most of them were in the hospital. They received the same medication and physical manipulation a mom would receive at a home birth. As a birth assistant at a home birth I have held the medication drawn up in a syringe ready to go as the midwife monitored the bleeding and made a careful assessment about how much blood the mom was losing. Did this mom need medication and receive it? Did she need it and not receive it? We don't know. There is so much about this birth that we don't know. Making ANY decisions about the quality of care she received or the safety or risk of home birth is impossible based on the facts she has given us, no matter how compelling her story is. No matter how much it tugs at our hearts or shocks us.

This woman's perception of her son's birth IS important to me. It makes my heart ache but it doesn't cause me to believe more or less in place of birth. It DOES get me thinking more about what a woman needs to feel positively about her experience. The importance of having quality communication before, during and after a birth is very important. When a birth becomes traumatic or suddenly high risk this is a critical component that often gets lost. This is where I know this mother was let down. No woman should feel she was not listened to during her birth or have to "fight" to get her records. No woman should ever feel the need to make the statement, "I was misled, lied too, and manipulated. Informed consent? Hah. I wish. I left my birth feeling broken, beaten down, cheated." Unfortunately I have seen this too often with too many care providers in too many places. It is their fear response. They go on the defensive because they fear for themselves and their families.

To help a mother heal from trauma it is critical to keep blame, of the mother or any of the people who helped her, out of the conversation. Listening to her truth. Helping her sort through and understand the facts. Helping her go beyond her fear and shock and pain. This is important. Unfortunately rather than seeing this birth as unfolding just as it should; a hard labor followed by swift action to turn around a potentially bad situation by her midwife, the EMTs, the doctors and nurses, with a healthy mom and baby in the end, she is stuck in the negative feelings of guilt, blame and shame.

I do not know Ashley Martin. I do not know her midwife. I do not know what happened at her birth. I do know how she feels about it. I also know my own birth experience which took place in a hospital and included a posterior labor and a long pushing phase and a scary shoulder dystocia and in the end a happy healthy mom and baby. It took me 20 years and witnessing 100 births to stop blaming myself and/or my midwife. I can now confidently say we both did everything we could and my birth unfolded just as it should and I am grateful to my midwife and proud of my strength. I can finally claim the words "birth warrior" for myself.

I do believe many women are told, or choose to only hear, the roses and fantasy of fairy tale

birth. Let’s get real ladies. Birth isn't all orgasms and euphoria. Birth may have that, but birth is life and life is messy and risky and that is why it is miraculous. It is time we embraced the miraculous.

For another perspective and some of the missing puzzle pieces of this birth please check out the birth photographer's account. Remember we are not sitting in judgement. We are NOT trying to decide whose account is the "truth". For this mom, in despair over her birth, her truth is ALL that matters to her. I would caution anyone who would judge all of home birth through the lens of this one birth.

Laboring in a Secret Garden

I never know when I leave my home to join a laboring couple where the journey will take me. Sometimes finding just the right place to labor can be challenging. Driving away from Linda's house I knew from her history she wouldn't feel confident laboring in the hospital. It was also clear to me that as a second time mother her labor could change from 0 to 100 pretty darn fast and being in Arroyo Grande was no longer an option. So where to go on a hot summer day? As luck would have it Dad found us a secret garden, ideal for laboring with the breeze in our hair and the sun on our faces. 

Every birth I witness is indelibly etched into my soul. Some are long and hard; others fast and furious. They are all intense but sometimes within the intensity is a peacefulness; a serenity of love and trust that rises above the physical experience.

Finding Your Path; two women's stories

A former doula & class client sent me a link to a blog piece by Cherylyn, a doula in Utah. Natalie knew I would be interested in this woman's journey of recovery from her first birth which was traumatic and left her feeling victimized and angry. Each of her next four births led her down a new path toward healing. On her journey she made many different choices for where, with whom and how to birth. Each birth was a necessary step in her process. In my classes and through my doula support I honor each woman's choice because I can't judge where she is on her path. It is my responsibility to give information and it is her responsibility to listen with an open heart for what resonates with her. Only she has the answers. Only she can access her intuition. It is my hope to support her in this process through my own intuitive listening so I can respond to her needs along the way. This is why I support women in all birth settings. This is why my classes are designed to teach couples no matter where, with whom or how they are planning to birth. My hope is to give them the tools to have a positive birth where ever they birth. Please read this article if you are preparing to birth or if you are in the process of physical and emotional recovery from a less than positive birth. Then sit quietly for a moment and take her message into your heart. Let it carry any feelings of guilt, doubt, or mistrust in yourself away.

Now let me tell you about Natalie. I met her and her husband, Tobin, at a Birth & Baby Resource Network event. When it came time in the circle for sharing their tears as they shared spoke volumes to me about the depth of their birth trauma. As the event broke up I approached them and encouraged Natalie to visit our SLO chapter of the International Cesarean Awareness Network, even though hers was not a cesarean birth. I knew that the circle of supportive women at their gatherings could help her heal her wounds. Unfortunately there is no local support group for women with negative birth stories except ICAN which is labeled a cesarean support network. Women with birth experiences like Natalie's aren't sure they would belong at an ICAN meeting. The women of ICAN would want me to stop here and say that these women absolutely are welcome and that supporting them is also part of their mission. Unfortunately the general public doesn't know that.

As Natalie's second pregnancy progressed we came to understand that not only had her birth left her with many emotional scars it had also left her with many physical ones. Like her emotional ones, these scars were hidden deep within her and they had the potential to threaten this new pregnancy. Bottom line; she was no longer the same inside and this pregnancy was therefore risky for Natalie and her baby. She was advised that the least dangerous route for her baby's birth was a cesarean. She listened to this advice. She listened to her intuition. She listened to her husband's fears. She listened to her desires. She listened to her body and she waited.

Natalie experienced an incredibly healthy pregnancy. She worked and mommied right through it. She blossomed and so did her baby; growing right on schedule, moving vigorously and letting her mom know she was doing fine. Natalie did a lot of talking, to Tobin, to me and to her doctor. She weighed all the different risks of having or not having a surgical birth; risks to her and risks to her baby. She knew what she wanted but was also willing to make needed changes or compromises. We brainstormed all kinds of possible scenarios for her birth. Then she wrote her birth plan. This plan was unique to her; not something you can download from the Internet with check off boxes. It encompassed many possible avenues for her birth to go. It was detailed. It was flexible. It was respectful and grateful to the people she knew she was going to need to rely on to see her safely through. Then she listened to her body and she waited.

When her water broke I believe all three of us held our breath and made a silent prayer that all would be well. Then Natalie and I released our breath and went to work creating as much normalcy to this labor as possible. But I don't believe Tobin let go of his breath until both mom and baby had come safely through. Natalie carried herself in labor as she does in life, with quiet unassuming strength and graciousness. You would never guess at the depth of her determination, or physical and emotional strength. Tobin told me she can be stubborn but he forgot to also tell me how courageous she is. Immediately after the vaginal birth of her beautiful baby girl she began to have an issue which required her doctor to step in and Tobin, the baby and I to step out. Natalie kept her composure throughout while Tobin died a thousand deaths holding his baby and waiting for news about his wife. For him life stood still and minutes felt like an eternity. All I could do was reassure him that she was in good hands. Dr. Yin and the French hospital staff knew how to take care of her; that's why she had chosen to birth here. In what was actually a very short time he received the news he was longing for; Natalie was fine and would be reunited with him soon. But I don't think Tobin breathed until he saw Natalie's pretty face again; all smiles and wanting to put her new baby girl to breast.

So why did I decide to tell you about Natalie? Because she knows a thing or two about healing, about listening to your intuition, about creating the birth that is just right for you and your baby. Your choices may be different than hers. You may listen to her story and think, "I would never put my baby at risk like that." That's fine. You are entitled to your feelings and if your heart had told you to make a different choice than Natalie's I would support you in that choice. But this was Natalie's choice and it brought her very far along her path as she journey's toward complete healing. So I understand why Cherylyn's story resonated with Natalie. I get it. Do you?

           Thank you to Natalie and Tobin for inviting me to accompany them on their journey!

To Read Cherylyn's piece about her choices as she journeyed toward healing visit her blog: Mamas and Babies

Fresh New Pregnancy & Birth Book for Men

Finally a book by a man, for men about pregnancy and birth! As a birth educator and doula for 20 years I have read many wonderful books about birth, but I felt none of them was the kind of book a man would pick up on his own to read. Instead men have been reading the books their pregnant wives would ask them to read; the books that were full of info the women wanted their husband to know. But "Baby Daddy", by Clayton Connelly, is a book full of information men want to know. It is one dad’s humorous look at his personal journey through his woman’s first pregnancy. Connelly’s approachable writing style mixes laugh-out-loud personal experiences with sage advice from a dad who’s been there; sprinkled with just the right amount of facts and important information to open the eyes of a birth novice and get them thinking. "Baby Daddy" is the perfect gift for that friend who just found out the pitter patter of little feet is soon to be entering his life. Trying to find a way to break the news? Why not wrap it up and give it to your man or casually leave it on top of his fine bathroom literature. Although it is meant to be read in stages to go with each trimester, I guarantee once he starts he won’t want to put it down.

Clayton & his wife Jessica took my classes to prepare for the birth of their first child. Read this book to find out what was going on in Clayton's head during my classes.

Hear what the author has to say about the book: http://www.babydaddybook.com/Site/Baby_Daddy.html

Photo Essay: A Santa Lucia Birth Center Birth

Parker Wilson became a part of one of my favorite familys on January 14.
Between Heather and John, brother and sister, I have been honored to be included in 4 of their family centered births; one at General Hospital, two at home and this one at the new birth center.

Peace Before the Storm

Shortly after arriving Mom and Dad settle into the birth tub. Candles, a beautiful serene room and a warm tub to relax in; exactly the experience Heather and Mike were looking for.

Moments Old

After an intense pushing phase Parker enters this world surrounded by family. Everyone crowds around the big double bed as tears of joy flow freely from Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt Emily and Uncle John. Still wet with amniotic fluid Parker is placed in Heather's loving arms to warm and dry.

First Step Toward Independence

After Parker has made the change to oxygenating his own blood, Dr. Dietrich, Licensed Midwife, deftly guides the new Dad through the ritual of cutting the cord that connects Mom and baby.

Precious Moments

Mom, Dad and Parker undisturbed together in the big bed with hearts over flowing. Time stands still. Disbelief that it is over quickly turns to awe.

Exploration

Heather and Mike tenderly get to know their new son. Amazed at his size. Wondering, at how vigorous, alert and healthy he is. The first hour of smell, touch and taste unwinds at its own unhurried pace. Loving gazes and excited exclamations of, "He has your nose" and "Look how long his fingers are" draw the new baby into the family.

Vital Statistics

After sufficient time has passed Dr. Dietrich starts the newborn assessments with the traditional weighing followed by a complete health screening of the new arrival done on the bed with Mom and Dad close at hand.

Life Begins

After only 3 hours Heather, Mike and baby Parker are ready to head home to start their new life together. They will be visited tomorrow by a midwife to make sure they are settling into their babymoon.

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As a doula I am blessed to meet and work with many families. I met Heather 9 years ago when she needed someone to guide her and Valerie, her mother, through the birth of Heather's second son. This wonderful extended family accepted my help with open arms. Each birth has been unique. Each experience has had its own challenges along the way. My only regret is that I think this will be the last birth for a while. I'll have to wait for the next generation to start having babies but when they do; I'm there!

An Out-of-hospital Birth Center Birth from a Father’s Perspective

I am including this birth although it is not local but it does have a local connection. I met Jessica and Clayton when they participated in one of my childbirth class series. Jessica gave birth to their first daughter at French Hospital. Everything went very smoothly and they felt very good about their experience and their care by their midwives and the nursing staff. Then they moved away.

On Monday, September 20, 2010 Jessica gave birth to their second daughter. Feeling empowered by their first experience they chose an out-of-hospital birth center for this birth and planned a water birth. I was excited to hear about their story and wanted to share it because our community is about to have our own out-of-hospital birth center complete with birth tubs. Besides Clayton was always such a sweet, enthusiastic, supportive dad during classes and Jessica was such a great birther I couldn't resist including them in my birth story project.

The birth of Shiloh Rose...

It was Saturday, September 11th and I was excited for a number of reasons. One reason was that the Ocean Beach Jazz fest was happening all day just a couple miles from my home. The other reason was that I had a sneaking suspicion that my 2nd daughter would be born that day. That morning as I was eating breakfast with my buddy Danny, I noticed that Jessica was running around in a flurry cleaning everything. Now Jessica keeps a tidy home but her efforts that morning were extreme. I looked at Danny and said “I think Jessica is going to have our baby today... she seems to instinctively be preparing for it.” At that time there were no major contractions to speak of so I went down the street to catch some first rate live Jazz.

The music was great, over 8 stages of sounds to choose from! At about 2:30, half way through Charlie Hunter, I received a text from Jessica that said “My Water Broke!” I immediately returned home to my dear wife who was excited to finally be in labor 9 days after our "due date". I asked Jessica if she had called the midwife, but she was waiting until she knew for sure she was in labor. After some convincing on my part she eventually made the call. Our midwife Brooke agreed to meet us at the birth center whenever we felt ready.

Now Jessica wanted to labor in the comfort of her own home as long as possible before heading to the birth center. I was in support of that, however about a week prior, in my prayer time I felt the spirit speak to me that when labor began, the baby would come quickly. I spent the next couple of hours preparing our things and loading them in the car. We had packed pajamas, swim trunks for the water birth we had planned, music, video camera, all sorts of clothes for mama and baby. The additional car seat was installed and family members were contacted.

During those couple hours, I could see the contractions becoming stronger. She began getting very quiet and still when they would hit. At this point I suggested that it was time to go. She said that she wanted to eat a quesadilla first... I did too. Following our pre-game meal we left Kairah with Aunt Robin and hopped in the car to meet Brooke at the birth center. We arrived at 5:15 pm. The birth center was so peaceful at that time of day. It was Saturday evening and there were no people in the waiting room and no one else there giving birth. We talked a bit with Brooke and had a look around to select which room Jessica wanted. By now it was about 5:30. Jessica had been having contractions throughout our conversation but was still very much engaged with us. Then Brooke asked to check Jessica’s progress. To all of our surprise she said that Jessica was dilated to 10cm which meant she was ready to push the baby out!

It was Jessica’s desire to have a water birth so Brooke turned on the faucet to fill the tub. I began setting up the video camera as well as preparing some music. During that time I watched Jessica have an intense contraction while laying on her side in bed. It was then that she said “I’m ready to hop in the tub now”. After a couple minutes I went in to check on Jessica who was kneeling ninja style in the tub. The water was about up to her hips in this position. I took a minute to put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her. When I looked down I was shocked to see that the head of our baby was crowning! I asked Jessica if that was the baby’s head and she said yes! Brooke responded in astonishment, "The Baby is coming out?" Jessica nodded yes. The next thirty seconds was a whirlwind. Brooke turned off the water, I moved the video camera, and Jessica pushed one more time. I adjusted the camera just in time to capture Jessica reaching down into the water to deliver her own baby. It all happened so fast! Jessica reclined into the tub without even breaking a sweat saying “Hi little one, That was fast!” Shiloh Rose Connolly was Born at 5:42 pm. I couldn’t stop laughing in amazement. There was no build up, no drama, no “you can do it Jessica”. We were literally there less than a half hour and Jessica delivered so fast no one but her and the baby were ready! I then got to climb in the tub and meet my new daughter. She was so beautiful. She was so captivating. We hung out in the tub for about 15 minutes and then decided it would be a good time to cut the cord. I had the honor of that task. After I cut the cord, Shiloh nursed for the first time... effortlessly. After getting out of the tub, Jessica, Shiloh and I were left alone to spend time together. It was all so amazing! I was so proud of my girls. We couldn’t have asked for a better situation. We were laying together in a queen size bed in the comforts of a room that could have easily qualified for a bed and breakfast suite under different circumstances. There was no commotion, no interruption, no sick people across the hall. It was only us, with Brooke and her assistant in the other room if we needed them.

A couple hours later, we let the word out to all our friends and family. This was the first time we formally announced her name! The first to arrive were Robin and Kairah! It was so awesome to introduce Kairah to Shiloh. Kai had been preparing for months anticipating her new role as a big sister and finally got to hold Shiloh for the first time. Soon after, the Pearsons arrived bearing gifts of birthday cake, champagne and best of all... Sushi! My family also began to file in from all corners of the state. My mom traveled from the Central Coast, Heather came from LA and my Dad and his family drove from Lake Arrowhead to be there. It was such a glorious time of celebration. We all took turns for a personal photo shoot with Shiloh as well as taking turns watching the ever so short birth video. The day ended at about 10:30pm with us loading Shiloh into the car and bringing her home for the first time to begin her new life as a Connolly. The Good Lord was so faithful in answering our prayers! All of our expectations were exceeded, and most importantly we have a new member of the family that we are so excited to do life with!

Welcome Shiloh Rose Connolly! I promise to be a good Daddy!

A Quick Homebirth

Baby's First Latch
I love catching this precious moment on film. Welcome Desiree!
Born on 8/9/10

We never know how birth will go. At classes we try to prepare first time parents for the idea that things can go very quickly, the 50 yard dash babies, or very slowly, the marathon babies. Accepting whatever you are experiencing and going with the flow is the important thing. If a couple is having a fast birth the dads are often left one step behind because they were mentally preparing for a marathon. When the baby arrives they are astounded! It's done? The babies here? How can that be?

Desiree James was born at home one unassuming Monday morning. Daddy went off to work. I mentioned that I was feeling "A little uncomfortable". Two short hours later my water broke and I called him back. I laboured quickly. Like Superwoman, Jennifer arrived and gave us the leadership and support we needed. I was having surges so closely together that my partner was unsure of how to help me. Jennifer immediately helped us into a more suitable birthing position. She used her calming voice and loving hands to ease our labour and reassure our progress. What a magical day it was. We had our baby girl in our arms, and all in the comfort of our own home. Thank you Jennifer for your professional and loving care!


There is nothing sweeter than being able to tuck a mom, dad and baby into their own bed after the birth is done. Leaving the house cleaned up, food available and supportive family at the ready feels just right. I'm a believer in what Dorothy said, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

The Challenges of Being in Labor While Being a Mommy

I love this humorous account of a local homebirth. The humor comes from her no nonsense down to earth truth telling about the challenges of laboring and mothering at the same time. This is one of the difficult parts of having another baby. Women don't get the luxury of stopping motherhood while pregnant, birthing or recovering. No matter how many times I tell my experienced moms to have things arranged so you can drop everything, including your older child/children and zoom to the hospital I always arrive there before them! And then there is the issue of assuming this birth will be like the last birth; right? Enjoy Kelly's story!

Our little Alubia (bean in Spanish) was born on Aug.27, 2010; weighing 6 lbs 14 oz and measuring only 18 ¾ inches. She’s soooo small, but so cute. She has a full head of black hair and adorable chubby cheeks. We have named her Maui (Maria Luisa) and sometimes manage to NOT call her Alubia. Thanks, Maui, for the name.

Her birth story is very different than I imagined it would be, but it is still perfect (well, mostly). It turns out this labor stuff is complicated and having had a child only makes it more complicated. Who knew? This is the way things are supposed to be with a second birth: 1) The mother should know when labor starts. 2) The mother should remain calm during labor, because after all, she’s done this before and should be able to relax and breathe correctly. 3) The first child is NOT supposed to randomly start vomiting once labor starts and need his daddy. 4) The mother should be able to handle labor just fine if the father is temporarily needed by the older child. You know, the !Kung women only have birth attendants with their first child. After that, they go into nature and give birth alone and walk back to the village. So what’s a few contractions with no hubby, right? Well, none of that worked out well for me. And, I’ve also found out that the fact that everybody says that second labors can progress rapidly once they actually begin actually has a bit of a negative spin. They can take forever to “actually begin” and you should probably simply store your birth personnel (midwives, doulas, babysitters) in the garage or office or something so that everyone is ready to go right when you need them.

So here’s how it started. Wednesday at noon, I went to put Xavi down for his nap, but just couldn’t. I had absolutely no way of keeping my eyes open. So I pulled out a comforter and pillow and lay down on the floor and tried to convince him to nap with me. No such luck. Under those circumstances, he wants to lay on top of you with you on your back and I just couldn’t do it while pregnant. Finally, I texted Eneko to come and put Xavi down for his nap. He did and then returned to work while I went and laid down. And then started vomiting and having very continuous Braxton Hicks contractions and feeling like I was going to die. So he returned home and worked from home, watching Xavi while I made friends with the toilet (like we haven’t spent enough time together during this pregnancy). I felt so icky and wretched, way worse than with any stomach flu I’ve ever had, but a little like I was in labor, but not for any real definable reason. Kristi came over to check me and said not yet and drink the following liquids and we all went to bed (not together, she went home, obviously). A little later that night, the vomiting and ickiness went away and real contractions began. So that happened for most of the night and by morning, I was sure the baby was coming that same day, on Thursday. So when Eneko woke up, I told him the good news and we started getting the house ready for the baby and then I went to lay down to rest between contractions. It was wonderful. I let Laura, our doula, know what was happening and that we would call her when we needed her. Meredith, our babysitter, was able to get her in-laws to come care for her son until when her husband got off work and she kept me company until Megan could come check me and tell me… ehhh, maybe it will turn into active labor, but maybe not today since it was in the early stages. Stay hydrated, well-fed, rested and probably tonight, after Xavi was in bed.

Discouraging, but Eneko, Xavi and I decided to do those final things before the baby arrived. We ate lunch, went to Trader Joe’s to get some stuff, got Alubia’s birthday for Xavi present from Whiz Kids (love that store!!!), went to Doc Burstein’s one last time to get ice cream (I imagine I will be dairy-free with this little girl too so gotta eat the good stuff while I can) and then came home to rest while California Pizza Chicken (according to Eneko) was delivered. All this time, I was having fairly regular contractions that were pretty strong and I was doing a good job of relaxing during them, visualizing progress and all that good stuff. And on Thursday night, NOTHING! No baby snuggling in bed with us when we woke up in the morning on Friday.

So after a contractiony breakfast, the decision was made to send Eneko to work. Who knows when this labor will start so we’re going to have to go on with our lives, just pausing to breathe every little bit. Xavi and I went to gymnastics and the contractions were pretty controllable while we were there and then we came home, prepared dinner and had our naps and our lunch (staying rested and well-fueled like advised). I was pretty miserable by now, but didn’t want to waste my last days of one to one attention with Xavi, so we went to Avila Valley Barn to feed the animals, ride on the tractor and get some "I-sheem." That tractor ride almost killed me. When we got home it was close to five, so we finished dinner and then sat on the sofa to read (Xavi is in the phase where he loves to have marathon reading sessions, having you read a book to him over and over and over and then choosing another and having you read that one over and over and over. Up til now this had been great for pregnancy because how often do you get to sit with a toddler???). By now, I’m moaning through the contractions and trying to read to Xavi. “A cow says Moo, A sheep says Baaa. Three singing pigs say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” and Xavi is getting upset and crying because that isn’t how the book goes and Eneko sends me a message saying he’ll be staying a little late to finish some stuff and I’m about to cry… But we survived that extra half-hour with no daddy and when he got home, he took Xavi on a bike ride and I got to have a few contractions without someone crying through them and flailing on my lap. Things seemed bearable once again. Eneko would be home all weekend and hopefully we would have a baby. Then during dinner, Eneko tells me about all the stuff happening in the office that weekend and I start freaking out. If he needs to work, he needs to work. Life can’t stop because I’m having contractions. But SERIOUSLY, it is sooooo hard caring for a toddler and having contractions. Should I call Sabrina to watch Xavi Saturday? But she needs to move and it’s her day off and she has her own family to take care of. And what if this goes on for days? weeks? It’s getting reaaalllly hard to relax during the contractions since it was getting really hard to relax period! And when you’re tense, they hurt so much more. And I was getting to my mental breaking point.

So my poor husband is trying to help and he offers to call one of the midwives to examine me and I say no, we have to wait until we are actually in labor. He offers to examine me and I say, no. Then I change my mind and decide that once Xavi is in bed, that would be a good idea and then I went to moan my way through the contractions in bed while he put Xavi to bed. By the time Xavi was asleep, I was so restless, moving from the ball, to walking, to laying on my side and just not feeling too great anywhere, knowing it was my fault, if I could just relax I wouldn’t have a hard time. So Eneko, around 8:30, checks and he says, “Not a 2 or a 5. A 3 or 4.” And I almost cried. Or maybe I did. Can’t remember. If it’s a 3, that means NOTHING. But if it’s a 4, then we’re in labor. But what if it’s a 3 and I stay like this for weeks???? He calls Kristi, against my advice, and reports his findings and asks for someone to come. And says he will set up the birth pool. I’m dead set against this, because, what if I’m not in labor? He wants to call Laura and Meredith too and I say no! And then beg for the pool because I can’t take it anymore and I need something to help. So he sets up the pool and it was like heaven getting into the warm water, but I still couldn’t relax because now we had an inflatable pool set up in the dining room in a house with a toddler and a cat (what could possibly go wrong there?) and what if this wasn’t even labor and if you can’t relax the contractions hurt and aren’t as effective which causes you to tense up more, which causes them to hurt more.

Poor Eneko is doing all of the last minute birth preparations for the house and wanting to call in reinforcements and I’m still saying no, not until we know for sure. Around 10, Megan and Edana arrive and begin unloading all the equipment for the birth and I am soooo frustrated because they might just have to pack all that stuff up and take it with them. I had thought one person would just come and do a quick exam. But, it turns out, surprise, it was labor. Finally Eneko gets to start calling help when Xavi wakes up. So Eneko is trying to call people and things aren’t working out. Meredith’s husband is working that night of all nights and Sabrina has to bring her little girl who is throwing up and he didn’t want that because it’s contagious. Turns out, I had understood that incorrectly. The reason Xavi kept waking was because HE was the one who was throwing up (probably what I had on Wednesday). So no babysitter. And I am freaking out again, because I really needed Eneko to help ME but it turns out it is hard to arrange for childcare via telephone while taking care of a vomiting child and massaging your wife’s back in the birthpool at the same time. Why isn’t there an app for that? Everything else seemed to happen in some kind of crazy blur. It seems like Laura, Meredith and Sabrina arrived about the same time, right when they were needed most and Eneko was able to focus on one thing, me, since Xavi was now in good hands :). Things were moving so fast at that time, or at least it seemed like it from my perspective. The contractions got crazy strong very suddenly and for two or three contractions it was really overwhelming and then we adjusted and the birth went on well. But certainly not gracefully. I was never really calm or centered or focused, even having to be reminded to breathe on way more than one occasion. I remember Xavi’s birth as being so peaceful but this one I think I will remember as more chaotic (entirely my own fault though). I think she was born just a little while later, totally covered in vernix, but adorable. And then we got those great moments you dream of in your pregnancy: time has stopped, you’re sitting in the pool, holding each other and your new baby, not feeling like pushing out the placenta, but knowing you will have to. And, yeah, after she was born, I was informed that it had indeed been labor :)

Anyhow, everything ended up perfect and everyone came through and then some, making our night exceptionally special. We got some amazing pictures, though all seem to have some kind of nudity, and it was great to see how my friends who had come to take care of Xavi ended up helping out with everything, as did our doula. It was so wonderful to birth our little Maui among friends.

Now I have a feeling that if we have any more kids, I will not be allowed to participate in any decisions about phone calls. So unfair! I only messed up one time. Like the one time (our first “date”) when the action movie we went to see ended up being a graphic (or pornographic depending on your definition) movie about gay bank robbers. And now I’m not allowed to choose movies for us to go see anymore. People should really get more chances in life.

Breastfeeding and Kangaroo Care in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

I met Jessica when she came to give a talk at an ICAN meeting. Even though this birth was not local I felt her poignant story was so important I asked her if she would be willing to share it on my blog. It is full of many of the issues I have currently been writing about; changing our "plans", creating a partnership between mothers and medical staff, pairing the best of mothering with the best of science so our most vulnerable babies get the best of both worlds, and when is the moment we are reborn into the role of parent. It is of particular interest to me that although Jessica is a Certified Nurse Midwife when it came to her own child she was no different than most first time moms. It took time for her confidence in her mothering abilites to grow enough for her to step into her parental role, stand on her feet and stand up for her son and her rights.

A Nursing Story

Oliver was born under the bright lights of the operating room. At three pounds, seven ounces, he was lucky to be born in 2006. He had a statistically high chance for survival in the neonatal intensive care unit. I was told he cried when he was lifted from my belly and when his delicate little body was subjected to IVs and wires and tubes just moments after birth. The details of Oliver’s birth and my operation were finally made clear to me many months later when I reviewed the operative note. It’s all I have of his birth. But I have Oliver and I am grateful.
Magnesium sulfate kept me from holding my baby for the first 24 hours after his birth. 


(Dad stepped in providing Kangaroo Care, skin-to-skin continuous contact.)


I vaguely remember vomiting, severe headaches, and terrible abdominal pain during that first arduous day. My home birth midwife knew how badly I wanted to have a “normal” childbirth experience and my strong desire to nurse my child. Within the first couple of hours she had procured a hospital grade pump and taught my friends how to pump my breasts. They propped me up every three hours and collected my colostrum until my mother arrived and took over the duty all night (after flying across the country).


The next day I was considered stable and was wheeled to the NICU to meet my son. The NICU nurse carefully handed him to me. He was exactly what I wanted. I felt like I was meeting someone I already knew, his face so familiar yet lovelier than anything I had ever seen. I did what I had seen hundreds of new moms do when holding their babies for the first time. I put him to my breast. The nurse panicked because he was not “cleared” to take anything by mouth. But Oliver’s tiny mouth and weak suckle would have prevented him from nursing anyway at that stage. “We are just bonding,” I explained to the kind nurse. Oliver closed his eyes and breathed in the smell of his mommy. We both relaxed and I knew we would eventually get over his traumatic birth.

Oliver was born at a progressive hospital with an excellent NICU. When I knew I would be delivering him early, I was transferred via ambulance to that particular hospital because I was told it had the best NICU in the state of Connecticut. My husband and I spent hours holding him skin to skin doing “kangaroo care.” Oliver was getting stronger and my bags of breast milk were filling up the small NICU refrigerator. I was so proud of that milk. At every tube feeding the nurses would help me put Oliver to my breast to help him associate my breast with a full belly. Eventually Oliver was strong enough to move to a less intensive care unit. We decided to have him transferred to a smaller NICU closer to our house. I called the nursing manager and was told I would be supported in my desire to do kangaroo care with my child and breastfeed.

We arrived at the small NICU early in the morning on a weekend. I immediately took Oliver out of his isolette for some kangaroo time after the long ambulance ride. After an hour of skin to skin, I was told by the nursing manager to “put him back” because I was making him cold. My husband and I learned that kangaroo care at our new NICU consisted of one hour, once a day. I argued with the nurse and wanted to speak with the pediatrician. I wasn’t able to hold my baby that entire day and evening. I just sat, staring at him though the plastic of his isolette, and cried. I finally cried about everything: the loss of our birth experience, the first precious moments after birth, our special baby moon. It suddenly felt like we were in hell. That night I pumped and noticed a sharp decrease in the amount of milk I was producing. I was concerned so I called my midwife and told her what had happened. She lit a fire under me and gave me the strength to fight for my son. A friend helped me gather articles about the benefits of kangaroo care so I would be armed with information when I met with the pediatrician in the morning.

After a long meeting, the pediatrician agreed to “let” me hold Oliver for one hour, three times a day, as long as his temperature was monitored every fifteen minutes. I agreed because I wanted to show how stable his temperature would be during kangaroo care. The nursing manager stopped speaking to me but I did find compassionate support from many of the nurses. At night, the nurses would “forget” to check on us and I would end up holding him for hours. Slowly, I was able to try to nurse him again at every feeding. I was the only breastfeeding mom at that time in the NICU and the staff had never worked with a mom who was exclusively breastfeeding at discharge. My midwife came to the NICU to show the nurses how to use a supplemental nursing system and how to position a small baby correctly. With her help I was finally able to get Oliver firmly latched on during a feeding.

The last four days of Oliver’s stay at the NICU were the most difficult, but necessary to establish a breastfeeding relationship. I convinced the pediatrician to let me sleep at the hospital. The NICU nurses set up a cot for me near the unit so I could be available to nurse Oliver every few hours. By the time I put Oliver in his car seat to leave the hospital, he was 100 percent breastfeeding. It is my most important accomplishment.. I send the NICU nurses a Christmas card every year to remind them of sweet little Oliver and this annoying mom who made it her mission to breastfeed and succeeded!
Next read about a "miracle" baby and the chemical, biological, and emotional power of a mother's love. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1306283/Miracle-premature-baby-declared-dead-doctors-revived-mothers-touch.html

Breech Birth: Turning Her Plans Upside Down!

This is the story of Zoe's birth at French Hospital in 2009 and a mother's difficult decision to let go of her vision of the birth and growing into acceptance of a scheduled cesarean birth.

For me, there was no better choice than to have my baby naturally, no drugs and as few interventions as possible. That was the plan. But as most women who have a baby, ‘the plan’ is rarely followed. You can prepare for birth but not plan, I know that now.

My husband and I decided knowledge was the best tool to being prepared for our daughter’s arrival. So we took a very extensive, thorough birthing class. We learned about nutrition, the history of birth, birthing options, physiology of birth, pain management, interventions, and the newborn. These classes made me feel positive, ready and prepared.

I wasn’t entirely comfortable with a home birth. I would have loved to have a birthing center, but that option did not exist, so we opted for a hospital birth. Because of this, we felt hiring a doula was even more important for ‘game day’. Our doula was someone we felt could help us navigate the decisions we inevitably would have to make but did not know what they would be yet.

Week 36 of pregnancy rolled around and I was feeling ready, prepared, but anxious about all the unknowns. We were about to run into our first big ‘unknown’. We went to my weekly doctor’s appointment and as my doctor felt my baby bump, she decided she was no longer convinced that what she thought was the baby’s bottom, up by my ribs, was in fact her bottom. Yep, this baby was breech. What does this mean? What do I do now? What are my options? Could this have been determined earlier?

For the next two weeks, I dropped everything else in my life and put all my energy into trying to convince my breech baby to turn. I researched breech babies and the possibility of having a breech baby vaginally and decided that was not an option for me. So I set out to try to convince my baby to turn. I was in the breech tilt for most of the week. I took warm baths and put cold peas at the top of my belly. She moved, she didn’t like the cold on her head, but she didn’t turn. I did acupuncture and worked on relaxation. I tried a homeopath from my chiropractor. I did hand stands in the pool. All of this encouraged movement, but not turning. My last attempt was a manual version, where the doctor tries to manually turn the baby. Nope, this baby was set in her ways and was going to stay breech.

For a while I felt defeated that I could not get my baby to turn. This was just another piece of evidence that birthing stories are not in our control. I had about 2 weeks to process the fact I’d be having a c-section, I was thankful for that time. After all this time of preparing myself to NOT be in control (which is hard for me, but I was ready to just give myself over the process), all of a sudden I was picking my baby’s birthday and working around ER and doctor schedules. It felt weird, wrong, and inorganic. Luckily I have a very supportive husband, family and friends who helped me process this very drastic change of events. I had one friend list all the things to look forward to with a c-section (some silly, some serious).

When December 18th finally came, we had an appointment to have our baby. I never really got past the fact that in was really weird to schedule a birth, but the excitement of being able to meet my baby overtook any lingering disappointment I may have had. The c-section was flawless and in a moment, a scheduled moment, I became a mother, we became a family. At that point, I didn’t care how Zoe arrived, because she arrived safely and was healthy. I was able to have her with me in the recovery room and she nursed within a ½ hour of being born. It wasn’t the birth I planned for, but it was the birth that we got, and that is a-ok with me.
To me the moment Zoe's mom became a mother was when she chose to do what she felt was right for her baby and put aside her dreams for herself.

Keeper of The Space

This is posted for all my doula friends and other women who provide sacred space for birth.

Keeper of the Space
by Michelle Fonte, Birth Doula

she…on elbows and knees on the bathroom floor
naked body glistening with the evidence of her exertion
brow wet
dad poised behind her
hands ready to catch
abundant curiosity and bliss on his face
she…hands grasping mine. holding. tight
me… mirroring her pose: knees and elbows on the cold floor
her forehead on my shoulder. pressing hard when the surges are strong
i meet her force with equal force
a break.
a pause
i shift my weight
she feels me
eyes raise and meet
intensity
she says ‘don’t leave me’
‘i won’t’
i say
she feels the truth in my answer. again rests her head on my shoulder.
“don’t leave me” she said.
her words turn over in my mind and stroke my ego
wrap around my shoulders like a warm blanket
for a split second. i. feel. Important.
she grunts and groans and sings
looking under her body
between her thighs I see her baby’s head filling up her. blossoming. pink.
intensity of these universes colliding: the one baby has inhabited for 40 weeks and the one he is about to enter
makes her think she may come apart
in this moment. she believes that she needs me
with courage and power and will she perhaps didn’t know she possessed, she births her baby into his daddy’s hands
the midwives say…’mama…take your baby’
she. stunned. still between worlds.
cannot
reaching under i receive their slippery blueish-turning-pink child
daddy’s eyes meet mine.
joy
i passing the gorgeous baby into her hands
eyes raise and meet again
i am humbled
she knows
her power
i remember
i am not important
simply the keeper of the space

Michelle is the mama of six children, doula and birth activist. She currently lives in Miami, Florida.
www.birthgirlz.com

www.motherpathdoulamiami.com


Thank you to Womb Space, a page dedicated to spreading information on childbirth through essays, pictures, articles, videos, poetry and more. http://wombspace.tumblr.com/post/947981510/keeper-of-the-space-michelle-fonte-birth-doula

Baby Comes in a Rush!

This is the birth story of my second child born Feb. 2, 2010 at Twin Cities Hospital.

I loved being pregnant; (almost) everything about it. I had rather easy pregnancies compared to some that I've heard of before. I thank the Lord for that! Never got sick, although I did have some complications early on in this pregnancy and was advised to quit my housekeeping jobs. I was just over doing it. Had horrible pains one night, cramping, and some very heavy bleeding. I went into panic mode, expecting the worst. Spoke with the Dr. on call, went in for an emergency ultrasound early the next morning and discovered that everything was fine. Again, Thank you Lord!

Months later, we passed the due date of Jan 26th, patiently waiting for that moment. I was having contractions for about 2-3 weeks here and there, having a lot of "not sure if this is it moments" then finally, decided, since my Dr. suggested it, to have my membranes stripped. Not as painful as I thought it would be. Then that night, odd, right at 12:00AM , I woke up from just dozing off it seemed, to a light "pop" sound. Now, my water never broke with my first, they had to break it for me, so this was new to me. Even after hearing that, I just still wasn't sure if "this was it". I raised up in bed, stepped out of bed and felt a slight wetness, but again, I wasn't sure because this little guy had been SUPER low for a while now and I was loosing bladder control a lot, so I first thought, maybe he's putting enough pressure on me down there that I just trickled and didn't make it to the bathroom to pee.

Shortly after that though, I began having contractions and again, I still was not yet convinced that "this was it". My husband woke because he heard me pacing and breathing. I remember telling him, I'm just not sure if this is it or not, I'm not sure if you need to get out of bed yet. However, the contractions were coming a lot harder, painful, and more regular, & rather quickly. I finally told myself, ok, if this isn't it, I'm going to be upset because this hurts! I told my husband that I thought my water broke, but I wasn't sure. I was still trickling though, staying sort of wet.

Hubby decided to get up, saying that "well, we need to go to the hospital but let me brew a pot of coffee first". LOL. Taking our time, all the while they were getting more painful, I finally knew, this is it! I live about 10 minutes from Twin Cities Community Hospital. Thank goodness! We arrived at the hospital at 12:55AM. My pants were definitely wet at this point.

Now I had preregistered, but what the point of that was I have no idea. I get in there, they put me in the triage room, check me, I was 4cm dilated. They said, we'll get you checked in. I said, ok, I do want an epidural this time around. They said ok. He lives just around the corner and we'll get him here when we get you all checked in. Ok great. I was really looking forward to that this time. Things just don't always go as planned, not even for the nurses!
I was hurting, badly, feeling the urge to push like crazy. Telling them, I need it now, come on with it! I remember looking at this nurse, saying, I'm really not a mean person okay! They all still kept taking their time, getting me checked in, etc. Not sure what the hold up was. I just knew it was time to push. I was ready, breathing hard, trying to get through each contraction which at this point was back to back, barely a break at all. I was beginning to think they didn't know what they were doing and that maybe I should of been doing this on my own, because really, I was. My husband just stared at me telling me no, don't push yet.

Finally, still not checked in, another nurse comes to check and see how far I am, keep in mind, only about 15-20 mins had gone by since I got there. I was at 8cm. and there was blood, I was ready. Suddenly I saw the panic in their faces a bit, scurrying around, rushing a bit more now, saying get the Dr. it's time. I asked for an epidural yet again, they said, "oh honey, it's to late for that." I was mad because I was trying to tell them, I needed to push, why don't they listen!?! I'm still in the triage room when the Dr. comes in no scrubs or nothing, saying she hopes for nothing to get on her shoes. I remember thinking, woman, I don't care about your shoes! My husband refers to the bed as a "transformer bed" as quickly as they got this thing ready for what was about to happen!

I was so worried about tearing because I did with my first and that is what I remember most about my first delivery because when I went to pee afterwards, the best way to describe it was like "peeing razor blades", I did not want that to happen again! That is what I was terrified most of! But, one big long push, (and feeling some poop come out as well, eww, embarrassing, but I knew the doctor had seen it before), there he was! It was 1:38AM, I had arrived at the hospital at 5 minutes to 1:00 and he was born at 1:38. Even they were shocked and surprised at how quickly he came. And I didn't tear! YEAH!
7pounds 8ounces. 20in long. Baby Boy Landon. Feb 2, 2010.

(Jennifer-one hour 38 minutes from start to finish! What a mad rush this birth must have been. These fast births take every one's breath away. Often the hospital staff is caught off guard because they have many first time moms come in thinking they are far into labor when they aren't. I never doubt a second time birther. If they say the baby is coming or they have to push you better believe them! I don't know why the OB staff still disbelieves the mom until they prove it to themselves via a vaginal check.)
Now during the stay at the hospital, they informed me that they were going to do a drug test on me and the baby because of how quickly he was born. They said they had seen it where people place bets on when the baby is going to be born and so they'll win, they drug induce labor. I was shocked, blown away at what I had just heard. Wow.

A while later, I did get the medical bill and I called and got an itemized detail of the charges of my stay, on that list was about 8 lab tests they had done for testing for 8 different drugs. Each one costing $200-$500. I think it was about $2800+ worth of tests. Crazy! I called and disputed it, saying, you didn't ask me for these tests, you took it upon yourself and said that it's hospital protocol that you do it, so I don't feel like I should have to pay for this (we did have insurance, but still). They, without question, took all 8 off of the bill. Very interesting I thought.

(Jennifer-I have never heard of this before.)
So, you'd think as fast as that was, my birth story would be shorter. LOL. But here I am, blessed with 2 beautiful boys! Both naturally. Even though I had planned on having an epidural the second time around, it just didn't happen that way. Someone else had a different plan and I just took a deep breath and said ok, here we go. I CAN DO THIS! That was that! Now my husband and I are all done. Two kids is enough for us. Especially 2 boys with my husbands blood running through them! LOL.

Jackie

(I e-mailed Jackie to ask her how far past her due date she was when the doctor first suggested she have her membranes stripped.)

Jackie wrote:
"Let's see, I was 1 week past. My Doctor had actually mentioned it to me before. I was 3 cm dilated for a couple of weeks. After he was born, the nurse said, I was even further along than the due date they had given me as well. "

(Goodness a good doula would know that any second time mom who has been hanging out at 3 centimeters for a couple of weeks and then goes into strong back to back contractions is going to move very quickly! As to due dates, don't even get me started. They are notorious for being off regardless of ultrasound technology. After babies are born the nurse does an assessment to try to guesstimate how developed your baby is, which helps them know how many weeks gestation actually occurred before the baby was born.)

Bodie's Birth: An Example of How Our System Should Work

I am going to tell you the story of Bodie's birth because it is a good example of how I wish our system always worked. When I first spoke to Bodie's Mom she was looking for childbirth classes with someone who believed in natural childbirth and would be supportive of her choice to birth at home with a Licensed Midwife. We started the group classes at the end of October and I quickly learned what a sweet, intelligent woman she is.

Bodie's parents were seeing Edana Hall, L.M. for their prenatal care and planning a beautiful and peaceful birth at their home in Pismo Beach. Being a medical professional herself she was very clear on her reasons for wanting a homebirth. She explained, "Having worked in hospitals I can tell you they are a great place for sick people but if you aren't sick you don't want to go there. I'm not sick. I'm just pregnant."

As time passed I secretly began to hope I would be invited to their birth. I love going to homebirths. With all the hospital births I do, homebirths help me stay grounded to how women really birth. Even the "natural" births I help create at the hospital are not as empowering for the birthing women. I was sure this couple was preparing for a really special birth.

The first sign that everything might need to go a different direction was just over the horizon. Both her midwife and I had some concern about the baby's size and growth rate. We both had done the right thing and counseled the mom on her diet and she conscientiously made changes in her eating patterns. Her midwife also encouraged her to slow down at work and in life and focus on growing a healthy baby and Bodie's Mom did the right thing and followed her advice.

Eventually as the weeks passed and the baby's growth seemed to be slowing down in spite of the Mom's diligence her midwife did the right thing and sent her to Dr. Cedars, a local perinatologist, for testing. He discovered that the baby was in an alarmingly low birth weight percentile for the number of weeks gestation. Could her dates be wrong? No, Bodie's Mom was sure of her dates.

When the Midwife was told what the tests revealed she immediately did the right thing and told Bodie's Mom she was no longer a good "candidate" for a homebirth. Only healthy women with healthy babies should be giving birth at home. Bodie was no longer considered healthy. She gave the Mom the name of an O.B. for her to get in touch with right away.

Bodie's Mom chose to work with Dr. Yin. At her first appointment Dr. Yin did the right thing and explained to the parents about the need to monitor Bodie much more closely than another baby from now until he was born. Although understandably frightened they agreed that careful watching was necessary.

Putting aside her dreams of a homebirth was difficult even though she completely understood the gravity of the situation. Transitioning to the idea of a hospital birth was also scary. Her Midwife recommended she hire a Doula to guide her through this changing landscape and stand by her side. Bodie's Mom called me. I was invited to her birth but it wasn't going to be the birth I had been wishing for her.

Dr. Yin did the right thing when she advised Bodie's Mom to take it one week at a time. Perhaps things would turn around and the baby would do ok until closer to her due date. She might then be taken out of the high risk category. We hoped it would work out this way and Bodie could be born at French Hospital.

We worked together on things she could do safely and naturally at home to promote her body to move towards an inducible state. It began working and she began off and on to have mild contractions. But there came a day when through the appropriate use of technology it became clear it was riskier for Bodie to continue inside the womb than outside.

So Bodie's Parents did the right thing and checked into Sierra Vista Hospital where they have a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the level that Bodie might need. Mom was already having mild contractions. Her Doctor did the right thing by trying a different approach to the induction than simply hooking her up right away to pitocin. I worked with the parents and we did lots of walking the halls together.

At one point I stopped by the nurses' station to speak to their nurse. I explained I wanted her to know that once Bodie's Mom was in a more active labor I knew she was going to need to be monitored much more frequently than usual. The nurse was pleasantly surprised I felt that way. I expressed my concern about Bodie and my understanding that I knew he might not deal with the stress of real labor well.

Unfortunately that is exactly what happened. Shortly after starting into a more active labor pattern Bodie's heart rate was alarmingly up. This is a clear indication of stress. Our nurse hurried into the room and gave Mom oxygen, had her lie on her left side which is a position that is easier for the Mom to get oxygenated blood through to her baby, and called Dr. Yin. I explained what was going on to Bodie's parents and tried to began to prepare them for the emotional transition that their son might need to be born surgically. Lots of healthy babies have "funny" heart tones at times during labor and are born just fine vaginally but we all knew Bodie wasn't a healthy baby.

By the time the Doctor arrived the heart rate was back in the normal range. She wasn't alarmist and instead did the right thing by taking a let's wait and see approach. She stayed close by at the nurses' station where she could watch Bodie on the heart monitor. But it wasn't long before Bodie's heart rate began to climb again and it was clear how he needed to be born. I explained again to Bodie's Parents why this was now the safest option for their baby. Dr. Yin seemed surprised I was supportive of a cesarean.

What the medical staff didn't seem to realize is that an experienced Doula should know the difference between how healthy babies respond to labor and a compromised baby. A good Doula should champion staying the low tech natural path as long as the mom and baby are healthy. If mom or baby aren't healthy a Doula's role changes. She becomes a conduit for information about what is going on around the couple, since often the staff need to act quickly and don't have time to fill in all the details for the parents. The staff also doesn't have time to deal with the parents emotions but a good Doula meets that need as well. When plans change their is always fear mixed with grief that needs to be addressed. Life changes very quickly at that point.

So we all went to the O.R., Bodie's Mom first to be "prepped" while I waited behind with Bodie's Dad. This is a particularly difficult time for fathers. Very soon Bodie was out and it became clear there had been multiple issues contributing to Bodie's tiny size, none of which could have been prevented by anything his Mom could have done. There is nothing different that would have happened if she had chosen to see a Doctor for prenatal care or planned a birth in a hospital. Ultimately no matter what path she chose it would have lead her to that moment.

I am happy to report that beautiful Bodie has doubled in size in the few weeks since his birth. He is healthy and getting stronger everyday and so is his Mom.

This is how I wish our system always worked. This is how it is done in the Netherlands and they consistently have better outcomes than the U.S. All women are initially seen by Midwives. They assess them and determine if they need to plan a hospital birth with an O.B. or with a Midwife, or if they will be birthing at home with a Midwife. Each time prenatal care is given they are re-evaluating. Is she still a homebirth "candidate". If at anytime leading up to the birth or during the birth she is no longer a "candidate" they turn care over to the appropriate care provider. This care provider continues to work with the midwife and accords her the professional respect she deserves. After all she did the right thing.

Thank yous to Edana Hall, L.M., Dr. Cedars, Perinatalogist, and Dr. Elain Yin, O.B. for their quality care of Bodie and his Mother. I want to say an individual thank you to Dr. Yinn who took the time to get me re-connected with my mom down in the Recovery Room.